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Old 05-08-2014, 02:11 AM   #1 (permalink)
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I drank last night


Yesterday was Day 17 sober and today is Day 1. The remorse, self-hatred and enormous regret about how I'm hurting my family is so intense. What the hell is wrong with me? I know the answer to this question - I'm an alcoholic. I can't even see the computer screen through my tears. Please help me.
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Old 05-08-2014, 02:13 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Awwww I'm the same I drank last night and am in tears!!!! How can it have such a grip on us???
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Old 05-08-2014, 02:14 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Would you like to be quit buddies??? Start from day 1 together
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Old 05-08-2014, 02:32 AM   #4 (permalink)
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hey guys - glad you both made it back.

Don't beat yourselves up too much - it's pointless.

Do think about what happened tho and of ways you could have responded better...

do you have enough support - did you use it?

have you made enough changes in your life or is your old life circling you, wanting for a chance to suck you back in?

You both can do this - your plans may just need a little fine tuning
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Old 05-08-2014, 02:39 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Hi Banana Cake - I think it would be great to be 'quit buddies'

Thanks Dee - you're right 'my old life did circle me' - I commute to work and normallly travel to and from daily. I have stayed in a motel close to work from time to time (and always had the chance to drink). As I worked three days in a row - I stayed at 'the motel' last night. I did ring my husband first thing and 'confess' and my children - my daughter is devastated. But I won't be staying at 'the motel' again.
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Old 05-08-2014, 02:42 AM   #6 (permalink)
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A lot of us fell at the first hurdle...but you get up, you work out what to do next time and you get back into the race

One day your daughter will be proud of her mum and what she's accomplished - I'm sure of it

D
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Old 05-08-2014, 02:43 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Both of you guys keep sticking with it. I think many of us on this site have had false starts. The successful folks here are the ones that kept getting back on the wagon after the slip. Take something positive from each experience....for example, what triggered you to drink and how can you learn from that. The key is having the desire to stop which you both have. You can do this!!!
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Old 05-08-2014, 02:48 AM   #8 (permalink)
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so much empathy for you both... I was feeling exactly like you one morning last Sept. had just called in sick for work and was absolutely devastated that I had let alcohol get me in its grips again. With God's grace found this place and made the commitment to never have to feel like that ever again. Keep reading and posting. There are loads of people here with solid sober time that can guide you and suggest more tools to keep you on the right track. God bless
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Old 05-08-2014, 02:51 AM   #9 (permalink)
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No point worrying about the past, we all have one and it can't be changed.

However what we can control is TODAY!!

We all had a Day 1 and some of us had 100s of Day 1s, keep going at it and you'll get there!!
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Old 05-08-2014, 03:13 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Thanks so much for all your supportive comments. I am so glad I found SR.
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Old 05-08-2014, 05:07 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I learned in my early sobriety that I needed to change everything; my old habits would cause me to drink again. Sounds like a great idea to NOT stay at that motel again. Keep reading posts on SR....great information and inspiration here! Today is a new day....own it!
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Old 05-08-2014, 05:14 AM   #12 (permalink)
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alcoholfree and bananacake, you've both come straight on here and told us (and others) all about it - that takes real guts and determination
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Old 05-08-2014, 05:26 AM   #13 (permalink)
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the softer way in which to live our lives

Quote:
Originally Posted by AlcoholFree66 View Post
Yesterday was Day 17 sober and today is Day 1. The remorse, self-hatred and enormous regret about how I'm hurting my family is so intense. What the hell is wrong with me? I know the answer to this question - I'm an alcoholic. I can't even see the computer screen through my tears. Please help me.
I remember being in that place in time
just couldn't seem to get it
or asking myself -- do I really want sobriety
the decision was made -- above all else -- yes
I have found that it is best to
lick your wounds and then shoot for 18 days without a drink
you will be there in no time
and all of this will once again be in the past

sometimes this is just part of the process
not easy
God works with and helps us if we let him
we finally realize that yes
this is the softer way in which to live our lives

MM
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Old 05-08-2014, 05:28 AM   #14 (permalink)
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I am on day 14 and I have found that not being around alcohol AT ALL was a tremendous help. If I see people smiling and laughing with a beer in their hand, it makes me want it 10 times worse.
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Old 05-08-2014, 05:29 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob View Post
I remember being in that place in time
just couldn't seem to get it
or asking myself -- do I really want sobriety
the decision was made -- above all else -- yes
I have found that it is best to
lick your wounds and then shoot for 18 days without a drink
you will be there in no time
and all of this will once again be in the past

sometimes this is just part of the process
not easy
God works with and helps us if we let him
we finally realize that yes
this is the softer way in which to live our lives

MM
Beautifully put, MM ♥♥♥
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Old 05-08-2014, 05:53 AM   #16 (permalink)
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When I was "trying" to stop drinking it was helpful for me to remember the pain I inflicted on myself and others when I slipped again. I think that was a big part of me becoming sick and tired of being sick and tired.

It all ended by not picking up the first drink.

BE WELL
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AA IS NOT A SENTENCE, ITíS A REPRIEVE.

ALCOHOL-ISM= INCREDIBLE SHORT MEMORY.

I CAME FOR MY DRINKING AND STAYED FOR MY THINKING.

WE ARE NOT FAILING AS LONG AS WE KEEP TRYING.

WHAT I USED TO CALL BOREDOM I NOW CALL SERENITY.
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Old 05-08-2014, 05:58 AM   #17 (permalink)
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AlcoholFree66 and bananacake... I feel so much for you both right now. I have been there (starting over at day 1 again) so many times. The remorse and disgust is overwhelming. Just remember those feelings and decide you don't ever want to feel them again.
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Old 05-08-2014, 04:08 PM   #18 (permalink)
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So it 8am on Day 2. I have a day off work and a healthy plan for the day.Thank you all so much for your support.
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Old 05-08-2014, 04:12 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Like i have said many times before i had to know why i could not stop, how was i an alcoholic, how can i control it or stop, how do i do that, is there any evidence that quitting will ever work for me and many other questions besides.

One day i got fed up with banging my head against a brick wall and got the courage to walk into am AA meeting and actually listen. You can do the same when you have had enough:-)

Ps don't expect all those questions to be answered at the first meeting, you may have to go to a few!
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Old 05-08-2014, 04:19 PM   #20 (permalink)
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aww AlcoholFree66, sometimes we need that last few drinks as a final convincer.
You know what you have to do now. Take suggestions from others who are clean
and sober.
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