Hi guys, I think I was a bit in shock and raw from the dinner with coworker when I wrote the comment about my addiction being self inflicted and silly. I had a moment, of shame for my battle compared to the ringer my coworker went through.
I absolutely know for us, it's not silly or easy and absolutely a tough problem. So I hope I didn't inadvertently undermine or offend someone. Addiction can be lethal and we've seen it. I myself played Russian roulette with it too many times.
Glee, I admire your determination. I have no advice about needy but in hope needy comes around. Maybe you need to call a friendship timeout as the message about boundaries isn't landing.
I feel like sobriety and recovery are a long way to go. I went to class tonight and driving home, for no particular reason I thought, I could stop and have a beer! 1, I don't like bars. 2, I don't like beer 3, That was not a behavior of mine in the past. Where did this thought come from?
My homework is dependent on my upgrading my software, and last night what should've been half hour process was like three. Sleep jacked, and didn't get ahead on homework! Google maps said class is one hour five minutes drive. Ok. Well I plunk in GPS early, 1.5 hours with traffic. I left work, took 2 hours!!
Place is nicer that other places the school has classes. I like teacher. School has been full of dramas for various reasons, but that stress was gone this time. Nothing funny about teacher, or class, or me drinking and causing more problems.
Home late. Back is in super duper pain now. I think spending last night hunched over laptop triggered then severe pain back. My lunch walk hurt. I'm lying on the floor tonight. I hate our bed. Knock off temper pedic. Did the research and thirty minutes lie there test, but it sinks, and you sweat even with cooling gel. Bed is one year old, but time to donate it and start over. Last bed was fifteen years old, so disappointing.
So with great pain, I had a wonderful day. Work and class good. Don't get that one beer urge but I didn't do anything or stress, it was a fleeting few minutes.
Ok bed, long day tomorrow.