Originally Posted by
letitgo 
Its really tough to see your children in pain. I am really not a fan of God right now and want to drink. But on the positive I have other tools to get through this. Just feels like the guy upstairs is mocking me or pushing buttons and laughing at all of my misfortunes.
Welcome to my world. When he does good things he is great, when he makes your life horrible he is "mysterious" - there is an excuse for everything apparently. All the same, congrats on reaching this misetone. Don't ever let someone tell you that your lack of faith is a weakness. You've been through a lot of crap and the fact that you are still committed to this is very promising.