welcome tinzo
sounds like you got a lot to lose....however it isnt so bad because often it takes us to reach that point before we finally surrender and put the plug in the jug.....
if you move carefully and decisively, and keep coming here, get professional help, you will make it.
just remember alcoholism plays for keeps, and the only way to beet it is to be just as ruthless..if you can treat the pro drinking talk in your head as your worst enemy it will stand you in good stead....
peace....
v