Made it to 30 days but have no faith in a higher power
Well I made it to 30 days. We have a beautiful boy. Unfortunately, he will need a surgery. I already have a daughter with special needs that has already had a surgery. Its really tough to see your children in pain. I am really not a fan of God right now and want to drink. But on the positive I have other tools to get through this. Just feels like the guy upstairs is mocking me or pushing buttons and laughing at all of my misfortunes. Self pity and loathing is a terrible place to be and a hole that is hard to get out of. I know things could be much worse at least we have nothing life threatening. I wasn't shocked with this health news since we already have so many other issues and things going on. God only gives you things you can handle. I do not like this cliche. I just want things to be smooth for once. Sorry to rant its just frustrating it always feels like one thing after another. Maybe I am just selfish and internalizing the woe is me. More of a poor us feeling when its really about the health of my family. Trying to stay positive and happy to be sober. Thanks for reading my rant and enjoy this wonderful Sunday.
Take care and be well