Originally Posted by shestruggles
As for the opiates: no defense - I spend money I don;'t have on them, and it's inexcusable, disgusting and must stop. As far as my decision with methadone/suboxone, I am trying to get as compete as profile as possible on both drugs before going ahead. For example: on this site & my own research I have learned that benzos and methadone are imcompatable, thus saving me the $150 'intake' session with a methadone nurse. There is nothing wrong with me trying to find info and other's experience with suboxone before scheduling an appointment with a NEW doctor who is able to prescribe it.
Perhaps you're taking the 'tough love' approach to my recovery, but your last comment was a little out of line. I am looking to get clean. I also need to factor finances into the decisions I make, at the very least, so I can budget them into my future plans.
Peace all:SS
I was a little harsh, shestruggles, but that's also because I look at addiction as
a life and death matter, not a game of chance. You're talking, and I see an addict talking and rationalizing. Giving up opiates with the intent to continue using benzos seems a little questionable at best.
You really don't know if you even need benzos for a legit reason if you've been abusing opiates the whole time you've been on xanax, do you? Yet, you don't want to give them up because they're a "legit script"... "you've been getting them for over 10 years".
That's rationalizing.
I used both, and I put down the prescribed 6mg of xanax a day when I was getting high. I didn't need them and they were also a "legit prescription" because I had blackout panic attacks... and all that other good stuff.
I see a lot of people try to
"dabble" with their addiction by modifying it, and I've help bury many people who've tried to do just that. You can call it tough love (
or whatever you wish), but I just see it as calling you out because I see an attitude in your posts that reflects an unwillingness to go without the xanax. I really don't see the relevance in it being a prescribed medication (many addicts start out with legit scripts), and yes I did catch that in your initial posts... so you don't have to reiterate it for me.
Some people do need the meds (and I've defended such people on this forum) but your instant relectance to even contemplate a change in anti-anxiety drugs really would make anyone serious about recovery question the sincerity of your desire to get clean.
I had a
"valid prescription" to take up to 6 mg of xanax a day for my panic disorder.
I found that I didn't need a benzo when I was abusing opiates. Most additction (or any medical) docs would tell you that the opiates you're abusing work on those benzo receptors anyways... so how do you even know that you need those benzos? You've addmitted abusing opiates the whole time you've been on xanax. Opiates are in fact anti-anxiety drugs, did you know that? They're depressants of pain receptors and the central nervous system.
You may have been taking scripts for them for 10 years, but do you really need them... or are you just holding on to a controlled substance that you can still fall back on when life isn't going your way?
I admire the fact the you want to get off of the opiates, but what's the use if you're going to kick opiates only to possibly abuse benzos. I never abused xanax when I was an opiate addict (never touched them actually), but that was because the opiates gave me the high I was looking for. I know if I didn't have the opiates though I would've been abusing my benzos... or whatever controlled substance I could get my hands on. Opiates were just my drug of choice. I liked being high, not being calm. I'd take a chemically induced calm over sobriety during my using days though. Not having any opiates would make me anxious, so I know I'd abuse a benzo... thus I got rid of my stockpile. My toilet took a couple hundred miligrams of alprazolam
I had a stockpile of hundreds and hundreds of 2mg xanax tabs that I threw away once I got clean. I was stocking up while abusing opiates. I found out that I was depressed and anxiety ridden, but I corrected that by starting to correct myself. It would've been easier to take a pill to do that, but that defeats the purpose of recovery, no? There's also a reason why doctors won't take opiate addicts for soboxone that are still taking (or unwilling to give up) benzos, right? Why do you think that is? The potential for crossing over to a benzo addiction is almost guaranteed... that's why.
You may very well need xanax for the rest of your life. Some people can't function due to actual panic disorders that they've seriously tried correcting without drugs.
I thought I was one of those people too. What made me make the comments I did was you instant wall of apprehension about dropping the benzos. It just concerns me. I've seen many friends cross over to other drugs, and I've seen those other drugs take many lives.
Best wishes and prayers.
Sincerely