Well, if you want ten pages of responses to your posts (great post btw) you need to add some pizzazz to it:
Maybe something like:
You are a high functioning alcoholic who only had a few drinks, that your kids were in the car and saw the gory mess when the hawk crashed on your windshield.Well, anyway that's what your kids told you happened because you cannot remember anything.
And of course that you will not go to AA or other support groups because you are not as bad as we all are and you can control your drinking.
Now THAT would generate some heat
