Thanks, Croissant. Xah has been very effective at minimizing what he has done/continues doing to harm the children and I. I want them to get it.
DD14 has seen our family therapist a few times and it has done wonders for her. I called to schedule DS17 and myself. But I can't afford her at all. I do call the DV hotline on occasion and that also helps some.
Maybe I need to keep the children in therapy whenever possible, and keep calling the dv hotline when I catch myself needing to work through the latest problem with xah.
I dream about disappearing completely, but I can't abandon my children.
I just want to be free of xah. He is going to have the children in our US house for one month this summer ( court ordered visitation schedule) and I am ready to put myself in front of the next speeding train just thinking about it.
Thanks again.