Wow, thanks for everyone's support!
It is relieving to read and understand your struggles that mirror mine in so many ways. I knew I needed to talk to others who have been through it and this place seems very ideal. I'm not really into the AA stuff.
I know that I'm probably fooling myself thinking I can eventually control it to one or two drinks. But I will be taking the advice here and try one day, two days, or two weeks even completely cold. This is my first evening and I actually don't want anything cuz I still feel sickly..... and I've been through that before. It's tomorrow...when I'm feeling better, and a nice cold beer sounds divine.
Again, thank you everyone!