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First Step

Old 05-01-2014, 10:33 AM
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First Step

I guess the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. That's what I did today when I admitted my problem with drinking to my husband. We have our issues that having nothing to do with my drinking, but it does exacerbate my emotions and how I react to situations. He has given up on our marriage pretty much and gives me a month to change.

In essence I'm not changing for him. I'm changing because my health and well being, and my son depend on my wellness. If things don't get better between us due to my sobriety, then at least I know what didn't cause it.

I know he won't support me so I turned to a community that can maybe give me some guidance. I'm still in a form of denial I guess... not willing to give up alcohol entirely... but I'm done waking up in the morning feeling awful, I'm done with spending wasted money on booze all the time, I'm done drinking every evening, I'm done with all of it. Because the high lasts 20 minutes or so and every drink after that is futile. I want to believe I can still drink a little on occasion, but who knows. Maybe I can. Or maybe I already finished my bottle.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 05-01-2014, 10:39 AM
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Welcome it's a great place to start. My advice would be to put thoughts about whether you can have one or two out of your head and just concentrate on not drinking each day. Pretty soon those days add up to weeks. Thinking about whether you can one day drink like a normie keeps you with one foot off the wagon!
Good luck x
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Old 05-01-2014, 10:41 AM
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Thanks apophylite. I think it will just be a step at a time.
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Old 05-01-2014, 10:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Amanda75 View Post
I guess the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. That's what I did today when I admitted my problem with drinking to my husband. We have our issues that having nothing to do with my drinking, but it does exacerbate my emotions and how I react to situations. He has given up on our marriage pretty much and gives me a month to change.

In essence I'm not changing for him. I'm changing because my health and well being, and my son depend on my wellness. If things don't get better between us due to my sobriety, then at least I know what didn't cause it.

I know he won't support me so I turned to a community that can maybe give me some guidance. I'm still in a form of denial I guess... not willing to give up alcohol entirely... but I'm done waking up in the morning feeling awful, I'm done with spending wasted money on booze all the time, I'm done drinking every evening, I'm done with all of it. Because the high lasts 20 minutes or so and every drink after that is futile. I want to believe I can still drink a little on occasion, but who knows. Maybe I can. Or maybe I already finished my bottle.

Thanks for listening.
Welcome to SR - we do understand and congrats on making the decision.

Regarding your two bolded statements above though, you can't have it both ways unfortunately. If you are an alcoholic, you cannot drink - ever. That includes "drinking a little on occasion". Accepting that is probably the hardest part as you are finding, but unfortunately it's the only option if you want to truly quit for good.
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Old 05-01-2014, 10:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Amanda75 View Post
I think it will just be a step at a time.
Right there with you.
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Old 05-01-2014, 10:51 AM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
Welcome to SR - we do understand and congrats on making the decision.

Regarding your two bolded statements above though, you can't have it both ways unfortunately. If you are an alcoholic, you cannot drink - ever. That includes "drinking a little on occasion". Accepting that is probably the hardest part as you are finding, but unfortunately it's the only option if you want to truly quit for good.
Thank you. As I said I may just be in denial about it. If I'm truly an alcoholic there is no in between. I'm hoping that I can get a clear head about it and work on not masking whatever issues I have elsewhere. Appreciate all the support!
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Old 05-01-2014, 10:55 AM
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Originally Posted by Amanda75 View Post
Thank you. As I said I may just be in denial about it. If I'm truly an alcoholic there is no in between. I'm hoping that I can get a clear head about it and work on not masking whatever issues I have elsewhere. Appreciate all the support!
Make no mistake - most ( if not all of us ) had to come to the exact same conclusion, and it's certainly not an easy thing to do. It is a massive releif though to not have to worry ( or eventually even think about ) drinking on a daily basis. And you can absolutely do this if you truly want it.
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Old 05-01-2014, 11:10 AM
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I for one tried to moderate and control my drinking for 10 years.
Looking back, I unfortunately tried to do something that is impossible for me.

There is no drink a little for me, I did manage to pull it for a week too 2 but I was agony. Like playing with a loose tooth.

I finally pulled to tooth out, and it won't grow back
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Old 05-01-2014, 12:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Amanda75 View Post
I want to believe I can still drink a little on occasion.
The alcoholic living in my head wants me to believe the same thing.

In 27 years he's never told me one true thing. Not one. I've no more patience for his lies.

Welcome to SR!

Best of Luck on Your Journey!
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Old 05-01-2014, 12:40 PM
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I tried to quit or moderate daily for 25+ years. Every Day. Not until I gave up and admitted my problem was I able to even try, then I realized there was no way I could stop by myself, after all, I drank by myself so how could I quit by myself! So I did it with help, and I haven't had a drink since May 23rd, 2011. I did it with the help of others, One Day At A Time. I no longer have a drinking problem, I have a living problem, that I am able to work on.

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Old 05-01-2014, 12:56 PM
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Wow, your drinking pattern sounds like mine. I drank every afternoon/evening from about 4:00 until I fell asleep. I had planned to reduce to casual drinking but instead increased my consumption to about 3/4 fifth of vodka nightly. Until 5 days ago.

Welcome aboard. There is a wealth of wisdom and experience here. Congratulations on taking this important step.
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Old 05-01-2014, 01:13 PM
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Once you have some sober time under your belt and you realise the extent of damage alcohol has caused, you likely won't WANT to drink, even in moderation. Or at least the cravings will become less and less frequent.
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Old 05-01-2014, 01:19 PM
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Whoops, responded to the wrong thread. How'd that happen?
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Old 05-01-2014, 01:23 PM
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Dear Amanda welcome to SR.

There is no middle drinking if you are alcoholic....
I know is hard to accept what we are.
But it will never be enough... and it will progress.
You got a child that needs you,
do not give in to alcohol as you will not be for him/she when he needs you.

Sorry to be so dramatic but:
This just gets worse, do not do it for your husband but for yourself.
You have to accept your problem and as long as you do not HAVE ONE.
Your head will be clear or drink everyday and never ends, nor the suffering.
your life will be going around alcohol.

Do you want a life or a Bottle???

Bes wishes on your recovery we are here for you
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Old 05-01-2014, 01:25 PM
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keep coming back reboot...

Amanda 75, try a little experiment. Try not drinking for two weeks and see how you feel. And I mean completely abstain from drinking. Let me know if you make it. No cheating either...
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Old 05-01-2014, 01:32 PM
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Hi Amanda, welcome to SR
The voice in your head tells you 'you can get away with one' but never says how big the measure is.
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Old 05-01-2014, 01:55 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
Make no mistake - most ( if not all of us ) had to come to the exact same conclusion, and it's certainly not an easy thing to do. It is a massive releif though to not have to worry ( or eventually even think about ) drinking on a daily basis. And you can absolutely do this if you truly want it.
Couldn't have said it more clearly myself... This could be one of the toughest decisions you will ever have to make, but the outcome is worth it. I spent 20 years drinking heavily, daily. My wife never thought I had a problem and I was always a good father to my kids. I knew I was killing myself and I could be a better husband and dad. Spent 9 months sober last year; extremely tough in the beginning but got easier as time passed. I loved life again. No anxiety of drinking, no planning every minute around drinking, no wasted time or money on drinking... I was just a better person.

Thought I could moderate it before the holidays last year. Worst decision I ever made. Now I'm back on day 8. First five days were terrible but now it is getting much easier and I am once again re-claiming my life.

Good luck, you can do this. Everyone here at SR is extremely supportive; through all of the ups and downs! Glad you found the site and reached out.
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Old 05-01-2014, 02:55 PM
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Pleased to meet you Amanda. I'm glad you found us.

I felt all alone with my problems until I came here. It was such a relief to know others had the same feelings. I found the courage to change my life by sharing here with people who understood. You can do this.
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Old 05-01-2014, 03:42 PM
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I believe your situation can go one of two ways if you are an alcoholic your drinking will return to previous levels if not then you are not an alcoholic. From your description I would not hold out too much hope for the nonalcoholic option
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Old 05-01-2014, 03:43 PM
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Wow, thanks for everyone's support!
It is relieving to read and understand your struggles that mirror mine in so many ways. I knew I needed to talk to others who have been through it and this place seems very ideal. I'm not really into the AA stuff.

I know that I'm probably fooling myself thinking I can eventually control it to one or two drinks. But I will be taking the advice here and try one day, two days, or two weeks even completely cold. This is my first evening and I actually don't want anything cuz I still feel sickly..... and I've been through that before. It's tomorrow...when I'm feeling better, and a nice cold beer sounds divine.

Again, thank you everyone!
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