True that you can do all the programs and work really hard but it is really much simpler than that if you just surrender. All those meaningful steps you try to take in early sobriety will only ever matter if you truly have come to terms with yourself and raise the white flag. Somewhere deep inside you have never given up on the alcoholic dream, the one where you drink happily ever after. The problem for us is that it is never a happy ending.
At some point you need to just throw your hands in the air and give in to defeat and accept within your conscience that you can never drink again ever. If you can do this, things will finally start to get easier.