Chiic - I'm really glad you are opening up with your feelings here. I wish I knew the answers, what would make things "click" in his mind but I don't. I do know I have an uncle and a cousin (not father and son) that both abused the heck out of everything and finally got straightened out when their mental health issues were addressed.
Unfortunately, I know it was prison for both of them. I know my family line is full of some of the hard-headest people I know and some have done good so it is possible.
Please know that you, your son and the rest of your family are always in my prayers. I do hope you find a good al-anon meeting. I think it will help to get real hugs (not that cyber hugs aren't awesome) from people who understand.
Take care of you, sweetie - you are dearly loved.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy