I think that this thread is good for helping you discuss Chic, it's absolutely in the right spot, lots of knowledge and a safe place here....
just remember in the midst of all your worry, that YOU have a right to a happy life and other relationships, be it with your grandkids or the gentleman caller for a dinner or coffee...if he seems volatile you need to ask your daughter and his father to help you...shouldering this by yourself is enourmous.