It was my oldest daughter. She made me realize that my alcoholism was not just killing me but it was killing everyone that I loved including her. At that point I really did not care whether I lived or died but the thought that I was causing that much pain to my children was something I did not know what to do about except try and figure out how to stop drinking. I actually said a prayer to a God, any God because at that point in my life I did not believe in God, that he/she either show me how to live life without alcohol and not be insane or give me the courage to put a gun to my head as I was done, I had lost all hope. I did not even know how to mow my lawn without having a cooler full of beer sitting there. That next morning the first thought that came to my head was to find the piece of paper that had a phone number on it from someone in AA who several weeks before had given it to me and said to call if I ever thought I had a problem with alcohol. I can't believe I had not thrown that paper away and was still able to find it. I have not had a drink since then and that was 13 years ago but I can remember it like it was yesterday and the emotions are still as raw. I have so much gratitude.