Hi Teddy. Ugh, that is a major bummer. It is more important now for you to protect your sobriety…it is one of the most precious things in your life. It sounds like you lost something else that was very important to you…losing both would be devastating.
Think it all the way through. Any relief you feel will be short lived and you will wake up tomorrow without 2 things that matter. You only have control over one of those things. I think being in that gray area would be even worse than you feel right now.
I still remember my worst break up, it was 20 years ago. These things hurt, a lot. I even remember that first Sunday, I just wanted to get out of my own skin. But, as difficult as it was I would not have forsaken the relationship simply to avoid the pain.
I know the tunnel can feel long and endless, I put one foot in front of the other for a while, that is all I could manage. You are coming up on a year…..that is beyond amazing. Hang in there.