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Struggling to fight the urge to drink

Old 04-27-2014, 02:59 PM
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Struggling to fight the urge to drink

I haven't had a drink in 258 days. Everything seemed to be going smoothly. But today my girlfriend just ended what I thought to be a great relationship. I'm hurt for sure and all I can think about is going out and getting loaded would at least take my mind off of it. I've tried watching tv, listening to music, watching a baseball game, even went to the gym, yet I can't stop wanting to go buy a bottle of scotch and drown this feeling. Any advice would be much appreciated.
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Old 04-27-2014, 03:02 PM
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Your quote has all the advice you need
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Old 04-27-2014, 03:04 PM
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Don't throw 258 days away Teddy. I'm real close to you on the amount of days. Right around 252 days, I think.
I too, have a failed relationship during this period. We got along famously when we were both drinking. When we both quit it went downhill over 4 months or so. There's not a day go by that I don't remember her fondly and am always thinking "what if".
A few weeks back, mourning over the relationship, I went through a rough couple of weeks where all I wanted to do was pick up.
The fear of picking up that first drink and what would happen to me was enought to scare me sober. But it was white knuckling all the way.

Just say no to the urges. They shall pass.
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Old 04-27-2014, 03:07 PM
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There's nothing a drink can't make worse. Don't blow your sober time. These feelings will pass. Every fight you win makes you stronger.
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Old 04-27-2014, 03:07 PM
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Hi Teddy. Ugh, that is a major bummer. It is more important now for you to protect your sobriety…it is one of the most precious things in your life. It sounds like you lost something else that was very important to you…losing both would be devastating.

Think it all the way through. Any relief you feel will be short lived and you will wake up tomorrow without 2 things that matter. You only have control over one of those things. I think being in that gray area would be even worse than you feel right now.

I still remember my worst break up, it was 20 years ago. These things hurt, a lot. I even remember that first Sunday, I just wanted to get out of my own skin. But, as difficult as it was I would not have forsaken the relationship simply to avoid the pain.

I know the tunnel can feel long and endless, I put one foot in front of the other for a while, that is all I could manage. You are coming up on a year…..that is beyond amazing. Hang in there.
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Old 04-27-2014, 03:37 PM
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The break up is still raw Teddy (I also split with my g.f last week) and alcohol does seem like the answer.

But it's merely a direct route to pain, and you know that. If you are like me, you'd make a drunken call/text to your ex and possibly make things worse by having an irrational conversation which does more harm than good.

I am also teetering on the brink of drinking due to a broken heart, please try and distract yourself in any way possible. I know it's not the most sophisticated advice, but it's from someone going through exactly the same thing *and only 6 days sober.*
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Old 04-27-2014, 03:46 PM
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Another way to think too, when you wake up tomorrow you will still be upset about the relationship but also be hating yourself and be hungover from drinking.

My heart goes out to you.
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Old 04-27-2014, 03:50 PM
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After years of stuffing my feelings, I am really working on "allowing" my feelings. I try to look at them like a third party observer. Where am I feeling this feeling physically in my body? How does this feeling contrast to other feelings? What am I honestly feeling? What is this feeling telling me about my needs? What I have learned is that I stuffed my feelings a lot because I was afraid of feeling them, but I have come to realize they are not nearly as awful nor as overpowering as I had feared.

As bad as this feels right now, remember that your life is the bright blue sky and it is constant and stable. The clouds always, always pass.
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Old 04-27-2014, 03:55 PM
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I'm sorry to hear about your break up Teddy, but please don't drink. It won't help. Is there anything else you can do? Go to a movie, read a book, take a bath? You can get through this!
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Old 04-27-2014, 04:02 PM
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I'm sorry for your pain Teddy. Thats tough for anyone to deal with - but the key is with dealing with it....you'll feel sad, you'll come to terms you'll move on.

Drinking will keep you stuck in that initial feeling pain phase...every time you sober up, the pain will return and you'll need to apply the 'medicine' again.

Don't drink on this Teddy - I lost a couple of years that way.

D
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Old 04-27-2014, 04:03 PM
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Hang in there, I am sure this happened for a reason that you will realize later when you have grieved.
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Old 04-27-2014, 04:10 PM
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Thanks so much for the kind words of encouragement and advice. I'm going to try and just move on. It'll be tough initially but I'm hoping with each day that passes my mood and outlook will improve. I know getting drunk would make me feel so much worse in the long run. It makes no sense to try and drown a problem instead of facing it. But my drinking has never made any sense.
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Old 04-27-2014, 04:11 PM
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I feel your pain. When a girl dumps you, she should at least give you a reason. Sounds like that may be what's bugging you? You thought everything was going fine. Then she pulls the lever, and you fall through the trap door. Yes, its happened to me too. Maybe in the long run you are better off without such a person in your life. Think about that before you reach for a bottle and blow your sobriety over such a person. Maybe she's just not worth it.
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Old 04-27-2014, 04:30 PM
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I'm sorry you are going through this. What I've learned is that many people relapse over a lost relationship. The reality is that at some point, be it the next day or many moons down the road....you will STILL need to deal with the end of this relationship. Drinking only delays this. It sucks but I'm thinking that it will be worth it dealing with and feeling the feelings now. I'm sending you some positive thoughts
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Old 04-28-2014, 05:40 PM
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So happy that I didn't pick up the bottle yesterday. The words of encouragement really helped. I woke up today and felt much better about the whole situation. If I'm really honest with myself the relationship had run its course and needed to end. Unfortunately nothing ends well or it probably wouldn't end. I am the only person who can make me take that first drink, but after that, I can't control too much of anything.
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Old 04-28-2014, 05:44 PM
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I'm glad, BigTeddy, that you are feeling better today AND I'm glad you didn't pick up the bottle! It's amazing what a difference a day can do
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Old 04-28-2014, 05:44 PM
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I'm glad you didn't drink Teddy. I know it was tough. Congratulations.
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Old 04-28-2014, 05:58 PM
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Big Teddy! You did it! You give me hope.
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Old 04-28-2014, 07:23 PM
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Drinking is not an option, so don't do it! Play the tape, think of the aftermath, you know its wrong, and you won't give up those days.

Take it one minute, 5 minutes, an hour, the morning, the afternoon; one block at a time "I won't drink for the next______. Rather soon we take it a day at a time, we get a day, then another, then another, but just one day at a time. We don't plan, we don't over think, keep it simple. We reach out.....and we become better!
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Old 04-28-2014, 11:21 PM
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I know how feel. My last relapse was over a girl. It was more the impact on my self-esteem getting dumped had rather than losing the girl. Now I know why addiction counselors encourage alcoholics to avoid dating in early sobriety...
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