I understand being a persistent person who is used to being to make things work out one way or another. I am like that, too!
But there is no amount of effort, research, analysis - no right answer or approach or way to talk to an A that will make them see the light if they aren't ready.
That's why there's Al Anon. Because you have to let God and let go.
Hanging on and trying hard just keeps you on the crazy train with an A. And that seems to validate their drinking for them. When everyone steps off and they are the only ones left on the trip to h*ll, maybe then the A starts to wonder if maybe they want to get off themselves before the train finally crashes.
It must be horrible to have an alcoholic child. I have four kiddos and if one of them starts up a bad habit, they are in big trouble with me, because going through what I did with their father was a kind of h3ll I am not going back to.