chicory

I have to brag a bit here. I have always been one who does not give up easily. I will find a way to do things that others give up on. I stick to it, and am quite inventive too. I amaze myself sometimes.. lol.

but I am angry tonight, as I listen to the pffffffft, the sound of beer cans opening in my sons room. He is 40, legal drinking age, twice over...ha.
and drinking is ruining his life. it ruined my parents lives. ruined mine and my siblings young lives. I struggle because of insecurities, shame, depression, etc. some of the left over stuff, you know.

I have a good job, for a person without a degree. I work hard, and take pride in my work. I am codependent and try too hard to help my kids with things... learning boundaries at my age.

but I cannot fight alcohol. I am losing. nothing I can do, to stop the progression of my sons drinking, so far. I have not found a way yet, to deal with this situation, other than making him homeless again. His philosophy is ' I don't even know he is here, he is quiet, keeps to his self. does not use much electricity, food, etc. I have this extra room, so what is the problem?'

the problem is, alcohol has been killing my family for years. If it was something mortal, I would fight it, and to the death, I would fight for my family. but , I can't. It holds them in its clutches, and I cannot beg, plead, reason, bribe, or anything, to help.

this is not how life should be. how can this poison be legal? how many lives are destroyed each day, how many children made miserable, sad and abused ? legal family destroyer. I hate it. if I could get my hands on it, I would strangle it, mercilessly, and laugh.

I am angry. My one family, my own mom, dad, lives ruined, and now my son, drinking like it is good for him.

its hard to watch, although he does not drink in front of me, how can someone ignore the fact that he is cooking his liver, and killing brain cells? He is a smart guy, how can this be so strong as to make him ignore the danger?

Thanks for reading this. I am just so angry tonight.