Thank you for your comments. I feel like hell ... this time, not from alcohol. I feel like hell because I am obstinate young man. I can visualize my faults, impairments, and general anxiety, but hell seems like a wonderful place compared to my current situation. I think volunteering is a great idea, but no one needs a free lawyer. I try, and I try. I bitch and I moan, but living in a college town, the employment supply is endless. I need to stop making excuses. Three months ago, I died. The world wouldn't let me know. People that care saved me. But, I wish I was still hooked on heroin. I can't believe I am saying this ... I'd rather shoot up then drink - ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. With that, I feel like a sad sack of ****. I am working on sobriety (12 hours and 4 minutes). It's sad, but death seems easier. Not suicide ... just non-existence. I don't want to exist anymore.