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The First Step

Old 04-25-2014, 05:42 PM
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The First Step

I am sipping on my last tall boy. I am not enjoying it because I feel sad that I will never drink again. I am sure this issue has been re-hashed, but how do you busy yourself when you aren't drinking? I have tried cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, etc. The only honest moment that I didn't want to drink was when I was with my girlfriend. I know it sounds silly, but there isn't anything else I have tried without complete resentment (after WEEKS of forcing myself to do it) that compares to my relationship. I know I am co-dependent, but you know what! **** IT! I'd rather be sober and co-dependent than drunk and isolated. Any advice is welcomed.

I have been to 7 AA meetings; the people are great ... but all they talk about is the Big Book. I find little solace in the Big Book, in SMART recovery, and other groups. I am sorry for the visual, but it is all mental masturbation. If I wanted to hear the same **** every day, I would be a philosophy professor.
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Old 04-25-2014, 07:00 PM
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Well, I get out of the house and live my life. Cleaning and cooking only go so far. People in AA talk about the big book because it is the AA textbook on getting sober for people working AA to get and stay sober. You wouldn't sit in criminal procedure class with your contracts book sitting in front of you and resent your classmates for refusing to discuss a bargained for exchange when the topic is exceptions to the warrant requirement.

I can only speak to AA because that is what I use but it isn't a magical cure, attend meetings and then I don't drink. Working an AA program teaches me to deal with life and all it's messiness without resorting to my favorite coping mechanism of alcohol to numb me out. I had trouble dealing with life a long time before I ever drank alcohol. If I address those issues and learn better coping strategies I am far less likely to drink. But I have to be willing to face that. Sobriety only gives me a better chance to do that. I don't look at it as quitting forever. I could pick up a drink tomorrow if I wanted to. But for today I choose not to drink. So, get out of the house if you are staying inside. Volunteer somewhere. Get out of yourself. I spent so much time feeling sorry for myself that a lot of life passed me by. You can do it if you want to.
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Old 04-25-2014, 07:09 PM
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Thank you for your comments. I feel like hell ... this time, not from alcohol. I feel like hell because I am obstinate young man. I can visualize my faults, impairments, and general anxiety, but hell seems like a wonderful place compared to my current situation. I think volunteering is a great idea, but no one needs a free lawyer. I try, and I try. I bitch and I moan, but living in a college town, the employment supply is endless. I need to stop making excuses. Three months ago, I died. The world wouldn't let me know. People that care saved me. But, I wish I was still hooked on heroin. I can't believe I am saying this ... I'd rather shoot up then drink - ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. With that, I feel like a sad sack of ****. I am working on sobriety (12 hours and 4 minutes). It's sad, but death seems easier. Not suicide ... just non-existence. I don't want to exist anymore.
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Old 04-25-2014, 07:15 PM
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Hi SBS

Sorry man, but whenever someone says that x recovery method is 'mental masturbation' I want to ask them what they think drinking is....

But fair enough. If you're finding meeting based solutions are not your scene, try Rational Recovery and its AVRT - it's blunt and to the point and there are no hugs, candy floss, or flowers.

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from that non 12 step approach.

D
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Old 04-25-2014, 08:41 PM
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My husband is an alcoholic and addict in recovery. He is volunteering at the local Salvation Army. It doesn't matter what he is trained to do. He just goes where people need him. And social service agencies almost always need people who are ready, willing and able. He called bingo numbers one day. Helped unload the food pantry truck another. Volunteer work can be anything at all. Mow the neighbors grass. Read to little kids at a school or to the blind - my mother did that for a while. Pet and walk the animals at a local animal shelter. Pick up litter along the road. Coach a little league team. When you get out there and do that stuff you start to realize that your problems aren't as bad as someone else's problems. Doing nothing but drink and ponder the inequities of life is what is boring. I was boring when I drank. I had to manufacture drama to justify my drinking and to feel something, anything. Drinking alone is like standing at the side of a busy road watching all the cars pass you by and wondering what fun and exciting places all those people are going to do and see, and getting mad that you aren't going anywhere, instead of simply getting in your car and seeing where the road is going.
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Old 04-26-2014, 06:47 AM
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Hi SkyBlue,
You know, lots of people need free lawyers, hence the abundance of legal aid societies, public defenders, and pre-paid legal MLM scams.
There are also a ton of other ways to volunteer. You could fill food boxes at your local food bank, volunteer for meals on wheels (they always need help), tutor some of those college students in your town, walk dogs at the local shelter, do highway clean up...etc. you might find that your own personal hell doesn't seem nearly as bad if you can get out of your head and do something for someone else.
You say you're open to any advice, so I'm going to say to you exactly what I would say to my daughter under the same circumstances. Suck it up Princess, you are as miserable as you choose to be, and sometimes you have no choice but to wade through ****, even your own, to get to the other side.
You can get to the other side of this, but you need to make a choice to do it. Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself will not get you there.
I hope today is a better day.
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