Thank you for everyone that responded it really means a lot to me, I'm in tears now reading everyone's response it makes me feel a lot better though. I keep on telling myself at least I keep on trying. Once the guilt,shame and disgust go away I feel like I can drink. I want to scream at myself and say I can't drink,others can but I cant and it's not safe for me to drink, posting on this site seems to help its a vicious cycle that has beaten me down long enough.