You are not pathetic and you shouldn't hate yourself.
It's not such an easy thing to quit drinking. It took me a couple times before I got some sober time built up. And even then I fell off the wagon.
Believe it or not you're learning by your mistakes"the biggest one is sadness and loneliness and feeling like I deserve a drink.".
So even though you relapsed,you know now what caused it.
That's another tool in your belt to kick the addiction.
Remember,you're never really a failure unless you give up trying.
And clearly you haven't done that.
