Welcome GoldenBear! It's great to have you join us. You are not alone - we all understand & have similar backgrounds. I hope being here will help you sort out what to do.
10 years pickled is not good - but better than my 30 yrs. You are paying attention to the warning signs and reaching out for some help. You can keep yourself from so much misery and pain by dealing with this now. Keep reading and posting - we're glad you're here.