EmmyG

This morning AH offered to walk our 6-year-old to school (the house he lives in is across the street from school), so I got there early to drop him off before driving our 2 .5 year-old to preschool. Everything went fine, really smooth morning and the boys were in great moods.

I went to put my little guy in his car seat, got him in, and then opened the trunk to stick a drink into his lunch bag. I sat my keys down while I fiddled with the bag and then shut the trunk. I don’t know how the doors locked because I usually have to hit my key fob button for that to happen, but they did anyway. All four doors, couldn’t get in at all. My purse containing my apartment key was also locked into the trunk. I started panicking and ran inside to tell AH, who was just getting out of the shower. My mother-in-law went to keep the baby entertained while he was sitting there. AH started screaming at me that he couldn’t believe I’d done that. I asked him to please stop screaming because it wasn’t helping the situation.

I haven’t given AH a spare set of keys to my apartment because I don’t want him having access to my place. So the only way to get into my apartment to get the spare car key would be to get a set from the guy who lives in my building and holds the spare keys. I called roadside assistance but they said it would take up to an hour to get someone there, and that they would also call 911. I told them to hold off on that, because I was going to try to get the spare key from my apartment down the road. I jumped into AH’s truck and drove to the apartment – couldn’t reach the guy with the keys, so I literally kicked my door in (only one flimsy lock was locked so it was surprisingly easy). I got back to the house in like five minutes, but the fire department was already there (the insurance rep. must have called them). There were about six firemen there and they had just gotten the door open. They were super nice and told me not to worry.

AH was nice until they left, then totally lost it on me. He is about three days from getting his license back after the DUI suspension. He said I just brought all kinds of unnecessary “heat” onto him by the police/fire department coming out. He said he has to drive to work tomorrow and now he’s probably on their radar and will get caught. He said now that I’d made him late, he needed a ride to his alcohol class after we dropped off the baby at preschool…it’s his last class. I said fine and he got in the car. He didn’t say anything until we dropped our son off. Then once we were headed to the class, he lost it on me. Screamed the entire way. Said that he wouldn’t even have accepted a ride from me if he didn’t really need one. He said what kind of mother am I, to let my child get locked in the car, and “who does that???” He said the firefighters were only being nice to me when they told me this happens a lot. He said thanks so much for the stress I brought him, and that he’s actually been feeling great since we haven’t been living together. He said I’ve probably ruined everything for him getting his license back. I told him that it wouldn’t be such a big deal if he hadn’t created this mess in the first place by losing his license. (He also called the fire department while on that bender when he thought he was having another seizure, and had to pay $1,300 for the ambulance that he rode to the hospital in, only to leave before getting any help.) He got out of the car and said “F**k you, c***t” and left.

I feel so crappy – I feel like a bad mom for letting that happen in the first place. But if he had done it, I’d be trying to make him feel better not berating him. I’ve always felt like I was dealing with a “father” in these situations, not a husband/partner. He also kept asking me if I’ve been “drinking at night.” I do have 1-2 glasses of wine at night sometimes, but that is after the kids go to bed, and I never drink more than that, or drink enough to actually feel drunk or affected by it the next day.

Ugh, just feel overwhelmed by him sometimes. He makes me question myself all the time. I spoke to my sister earlier and she said the same thing happened to her sister-in-law like two weeks ago, and that I shouldn’t feel so bad. His DUI has caused such a headache for me - I don't let him drive with the kids at all because of the suspension, so I have to do all of the dropping off/picking up, and I can't ask him to help with anything involving driving. Why am I getting blamed for his stress?

The bigger issue here is, why am I EVEN NICE TO THIS PERSON? If I just met him and he EVER spoke to me the way he does, I would never speak to him again. Why do I have such patience for someone who is so awful? Why does he also do nice things? I just always end up feeling like he's right, I'm impossible to deal with/live with. I am accident-prone and careless at times. He makes me feel unlovable.