Hi Meggy,
In my mind, to forgive someone does not mean that I absolve them of all guilt or responsibility for the event / situation. It certainly does not mean that I take on the responsibility myself. I can recognize that maybe I was in the wrong place at the wrong time so that I was caught in their crosshairs. I can let go of my hurt and anger because I know they would have done the same thing to anyone who had gotten in their way. It probably wasn't personal. But, that does not excuse their behavior or wipe the slate clean. I will remember and learn from my mistakes. I will not make myself available to them again.
At least, that is my own personal pep talk. I haven't really mastered the whole letting go thing when it comes to my XAH, although I have removed myself from his company. I was a slow learner, but I got there... I'm sure I'll find forgiveness too someday.
Peace,
Fathom