If you were really, truly happy while drinking you wouldn't be here. I came here when I was never happy drunk or sober. The drinking helped me tolerate my misery but that was about it. I still have down days but they are not as bad as they used to be.
There are a couple of things that stand out about your post. Drinking while waiting for anti depressants to kick in makes sure they won't kick in. Alcohol negates their effectiveness so it's all basically a wash. Believe me, I've tried it. It didn't work for me.
Second. You said you can't afford a decent education but have you ever calculated how much you spend on alcohol? I could have sent myself to Harvard for a couple of years on what I spent on alcohol. I worry about retirement but if I had put away the thousands and thousands of dollars I've wasted pouring down my throat I would have a nice nest egg. You could start saving a little at a time and get the education you want. You might feel better if you set a goal and work towards it a little at a time.
You are in the right place for support if you choose to quit. Welcome.