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Old 04-21-2014, 08:26 PM   #1 (permalink)
kph
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Miserable without drink


Hello everyone I am a fairly heavy drinker. Recently I have found myself drinking a lot heavier due to a number of reasons, mainly a stressful ongoing dispute, boredom and a lot of emotional problems that have been piling up. In response I am drinking a lot more than usual and have found that I am only ever happy after two or 3 beers. It is not always nice to even drink sometimes ie. the first beer doesn't taste nice but I do it to feel happy. I don't crave and can drink one drink at a bar and go home, quite regularly, not getting hammered or anything.

The problem is I am really miserable without drink. Exercise helps a little to lift my mood, or a good meal or maybe music, but nothing beats drinking. I find myself really depressed about a lot of things in my life like despite working hard I am always broke and just not fulfilling any of my dreams or getting anywhere. I haven't been able to afford a decent education and my prospects are okay but I am still stuck on minimum wage doing an uninspiring job and I really feel like I've let myself down completely at this stage.

This has been the way for several years, however last month, the entire March I did a dry month which was completely self-disciplined. On the last day I tried to get drunk and was just bored. Now I am finding myself drinking very often again and I don't have any intension of stopping. I know this is probably a depression issue but I've gone through all the counseling and meds in the world and waited weeks to find that I would have preferred to spend that sober time waiting for the meds to kick in drunk.

Ultimately I want to be drinking like I used to do. I want to be drinking more than ever, taking drugs, whatever it takes, just to be happy. You can count on drink. Happiness exists with the bond of other people, and people are always going to let you down. You're not going to get stood up, broken up with or disowned by it.

It might be unhealthy and sometimes expensive but at least I was happy. Isn't it fair, can it not be fair to try to force yourself to be happy
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Old 04-21-2014, 08:33 PM   #2 (permalink)
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hi and welcome kph

I got to the stage where I could only be happy drunk or high too - thats actually a pretty big red Addiction flag.

The next phase after that is brutal - when you find you can't be happy anymore, no matter how much you drunk, snort, shoot or smoke.

You're wise to jump off now rather than later.

I think anyone whose life revolves partly or wholly around alcohol is going to be a little bereft when they stop drinking.

Happiness and joy do come back - but it may take a little while - after all we drank for years, right?
Give your body & mind time to recover

How long has it been for you?

D
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Old 04-21-2014, 09:42 PM   #3 (permalink)
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If you were really, truly happy while drinking you wouldn't be here. I came here when I was never happy drunk or sober. The drinking helped me tolerate my misery but that was about it. I still have down days but they are not as bad as they used to be.

There are a couple of things that stand out about your post. Drinking while waiting for anti depressants to kick in makes sure they won't kick in. Alcohol negates their effectiveness so it's all basically a wash. Believe me, I've tried it. It didn't work for me.

Second. You said you can't afford a decent education but have you ever calculated how much you spend on alcohol? I could have sent myself to Harvard for a couple of years on what I spent on alcohol. I worry about retirement but if I had put away the thousands and thousands of dollars I've wasted pouring down my throat I would have a nice nest egg. You could start saving a little at a time and get the education you want. You might feel better if you set a goal and work towards it a little at a time.

You are in the right place for support if you choose to quit. Welcome.
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Old 04-22-2014, 12:47 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Interesting thoughts. I don't think there's anything wrong with having a drink to feel happy. We do lots of things in our lives to feel happy. We all pursue things to that end. For some it's shopping, others go to movies and TV, others listen to music... geez, I could go on and on. So drinking some alcohol to feel good is not the major crime here. Most of us are here because we couldn't control the intake of the drug and the happiness that comes from its occasional use was completely gone. When I finally realized this, I overcame the addiction and it took some months to come out of the fog that was in my brain. I realized I was stuck in a lame job, living day to day just going nowhere. I decided to go back to school and I am at the point where I am almost done with that quest. But if you're making minimum wage and barely getting by, there are plenty of grants out there to get you started at school. I just think you need to start.
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Old 04-22-2014, 04:52 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I do not think "normal" drinkers are miserable when they don't drink. There is a saying, for the problem drinker, take away the alcohol and the problem is solved. For the alcoholic, take away the alcohol, the problems begin. You are miserable without alcohol.

Rethink your situation.
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Old 04-22-2014, 05:15 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruby2 View Post
If you were really, truly happy while drinking you wouldn't be here. I came here when I was never happy drunk or sober. The drinking helped me tolerate my misery but that was about it. I still have down days but they are not as bad as they used to be.

There are a couple of things that stand out about your post. Drinking while waiting for anti depressants to kick in makes sure they won't kick in. Alcohol negates their effectiveness so it's all basically a wash. Believe me, I've tried it. It didn't work for me.

Second. You said you can't afford a decent education but have you ever calculated how much you spend on alcohol? I could have sent myself to Harvard for a couple of years on what I spent on alcohol. I worry about retirement but if I had put away the thousands and thousands of dollars I've wasted pouring down my throat I would have a nice nest egg. You could start saving a little at a time and get the education you want. You might feel better if you set a goal and work towards it a little at a time.

You are in the right place for support if you choose to quit. Welcome.
I honestly see where you're coming from. Before I did meds I dried out. We spent months trying out to see what worked and the doctor didn't seem to know what to do. Each time nothing would happen and I just felt ill. It was taking so long so in the end I ended up throwing the antidepressants away and going back to drinking instead. The last time I tried therapy it was a bad experience too. It would take years to buy an education on my salary. The problem is drinking has been the only thing that works to lift my mood. The day is misery without drinking.
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