It's been over 30 years since I promised my Dad on his deathbed "be patient with your mother, she's a pain in the butt, but she means well". I had mom essentially to myself for over 25 years (sister's visits very few and very short). I could have done better but the Christmas after she passed at age 90 I got a sweet note from two of her high school classmates who validated my care and devotion ("we know you took good care of your mom because she told us so". No Guilt or Shame - just good memories. namaste and P.S. After 7 years on my own I'm finally a "grown up" and can be anything I want.