Thank you so much for sharing this! I think it's really helpful to read about a relapse without everything going completely haywire. I feel like there are so many relapse stories about an alcoholic getting some sobriety under their belt and then having a drink and it turns into a 2 week bender with all hell breaking loose. This sounds more like he caved under pressure (his own pressure, from what it sounds like) and then realized he was making a mistake and stopped himself. I hope he doesn't drink today.
Also this:
The therapist said there is a balance between detaching and being who you are. He asked, "are you usually totally hands off in your relationships with people?" I said, "no, of course not." He said that I could say something without telling SO what to do and to not change who I am just because I think I'm supposed to be completely detached. Jeez, this **** is hard. It makes me realize what an issue all-or-nothing (addictive) thinking is for me. Great....something else to work on!
You are telling me! It feels like such a fine line sometimes! About 2 weeks ago RAH came over and told me he was in kind of a funk and I literally told him "you need to go to a meeting or call your sponsor, your funk is not my problem." When I told my counselor she told me that alcoholics are allowed to have bad days too and that it's okay to be sympathetic and kind rather than making him feel alone by "detaching" from him. What do I want from my husband when I'm having a bad day? Wanting comfort from your spouse is not unhealthy. At the end of the day, he's still my husband and we still need to have closeness in our relationship, we just cannot try to solve each other's problems. He and I are both guilty of all or nothing thinking too. That's a habitual way of thinking that is proving to be hard for me to kick.
It sounds like you're both making progress and that is so awesome! Perfection isn't a real thing anyway.
