HI dixie,
Trust that the pain is only temporary - as much as it may lie and say it's here to stay, it's not. When really tempted to pick up in my early days I always thought of it like this - If I'm really hurting, whatever particular thing I'm going through, I'm already half way through. If I pick up I MAY get some temporary relief, but eventually I'm going to wind up at exactly this spot again. I always chose to just go through it the one time I was sitting in the pain. You know that no drug or amount of alcohol is going to take away whatever you're feeling. It is only going to add a whole new and worse dimension of pain.
A few things to keep in mind that have really helped me.
- The more it hurts the more you're growing.
- If the urge is to drink alcohol - an ice cream sunday really works wonders.
- Nothin has been more powerful than prayer for me.
Hmmm... don't want to keep going on and on. I'll finish by noting that the first time I almost really picked up my sponsor talked me through it by having me tell him exactly what it would be like right now if I picked up - then he asked how I'd feel an hour from now, how I'd feel when I went to bed, how I'd feel the next morning when I woke up, and how I'd feel the next evening. He made thinking it through real for me. Perhaps you might want to try picturing all that.
I'll send a prayer your way right now. It's soooo freaking worth it to stick it out, bite the bullet, do whatever you can to not pick up and win this single battle you're dealing with tonight. I can't tell you the miracles I've experienced. Peace and luck. Joe