For me, the most important thing is to remember that feelings are like the weather -- they change. That even if I am sad right now, it doesn't mean I will
always feel this way.
Just accepting feelings has helped me a lot.
I worked with a Buddhist, and he told me he saw feelings like people walking into a Parisian street cafe where he was sitting. Some of them, he welcomed and wished they would come sit at his table for forever. Others, he saw in the distance and didn't really want to share his table. But the thing that all of them have in common is -- at one point or another, they
leave.
I have periods of time when I struggle with my feelings. When I wake up and just don't want.... anything. Not even a hug, not even to get out of bed. During those times, I make an effort to only put positive things into my day. Of course, it isn't always easy in a house with hormonal teenagers and a perimenopausal me and that poor saint of a husband who somehow puts up with it all... and a job. And laundry. And all that LIFE stuff, you know?
But I try to change what I can change. I avoid reading the newspaper or watching TV news. I spend a lot of time looking at cute puppies on the Internet. I read my favorite bloggers -- the inspirational ones, the ones that say "Dear Soul, I have been there. I have been at that point where I felt useless. You're not alone." They make me feel better than the ones that are always upbeat and inspirational and have all the flipping answers, kwim?
And surprisingly, my teens are amazing at cheering me up. I can pick them up from school and be sad and they'll go "Hey mom -- let's blast the radio channel with 80s music! Roll down the windows! We'll sing along REAL LOUD!" which -- if you know anything about teenagers -- is just about as embarrassing to them as their parents dancing in public...
Some days, "getting happy" just isn't an option. Those days, I give myself what I need. Sometimes it's going hiking on my own for a couple of hours. Other days, it's staying in bed, eating chocolate, and binge watching old TV series on Netflix all day.
I think a big thing I'm learning is that it's OK to feel whatever it is I'm feeling. And it's OK to not "fix it" all the time. That being sad, or angry, is not WRONG. It's uncomfortable and not fun -- but there's nothing inherently BAD with feeling that way for a while. It's just a feeling. And you can be good
to yourself instead of trying to be
good and perfect and perky and happy.