how to be happy?

Old 04-16-2014, 09:38 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Guest
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
how to be happy?

When you're exhausted, wiped out, in a bad place or can't seem to move ahead, how do you find happiness, joy and a smile?

I'm usually good at this. Right now I can't think of anything. I'll be working on it today, but would love some advice.
Mango blast is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 09:42 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
ladyscribbler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Breakfast for dinner. Gratitude list. Hot bath. Alanon meeting. Chocolate. Hugging my kids.
ladyscribbler is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 09:47 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
hopeful4's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Doing something nice for someone else. When I have a pity party and can see that others have it so much worse than me it helps me be very grateful for what I have. Excercise, meet with a friend for lunch/dinner, play on the trampoline w/my kids.
hopeful4 is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 09:51 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
AveryMarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 123
I exercise. I run my a** off even when I feel completely depleted of any energy. Put the ear phones in and just go. I always try to make an excuse but once I hit the streets it all fades away. And jumping into a hot bath after a run feels amazing.
AveryMarie is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 09:53 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
lillamy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
For me, the most important thing is to remember that feelings are like the weather -- they change. That even if I am sad right now, it doesn't mean I will always feel this way.

Just accepting feelings has helped me a lot.

I worked with a Buddhist, and he told me he saw feelings like people walking into a Parisian street cafe where he was sitting. Some of them, he welcomed and wished they would come sit at his table for forever. Others, he saw in the distance and didn't really want to share his table. But the thing that all of them have in common is -- at one point or another, they leave.

I have periods of time when I struggle with my feelings. When I wake up and just don't want.... anything. Not even a hug, not even to get out of bed. During those times, I make an effort to only put positive things into my day. Of course, it isn't always easy in a house with hormonal teenagers and a perimenopausal me and that poor saint of a husband who somehow puts up with it all... and a job. And laundry. And all that LIFE stuff, you know?

But I try to change what I can change. I avoid reading the newspaper or watching TV news. I spend a lot of time looking at cute puppies on the Internet. I read my favorite bloggers -- the inspirational ones, the ones that say "Dear Soul, I have been there. I have been at that point where I felt useless. You're not alone." They make me feel better than the ones that are always upbeat and inspirational and have all the flipping answers, kwim?

And surprisingly, my teens are amazing at cheering me up. I can pick them up from school and be sad and they'll go "Hey mom -- let's blast the radio channel with 80s music! Roll down the windows! We'll sing along REAL LOUD!" which -- if you know anything about teenagers -- is just about as embarrassing to them as their parents dancing in public...

Some days, "getting happy" just isn't an option. Those days, I give myself what I need. Sometimes it's going hiking on my own for a couple of hours. Other days, it's staying in bed, eating chocolate, and binge watching old TV series on Netflix all day.

I think a big thing I'm learning is that it's OK to feel whatever it is I'm feeling. And it's OK to not "fix it" all the time. That being sad, or angry, is not WRONG. It's uncomfortable and not fun -- but there's nothing inherently BAD with feeling that way for a while. It's just a feeling. And you can be good to yourself instead of trying to be good and perfect and perky and happy.
lillamy is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 10:10 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
FireSprite's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
All of the above plus trashy escapism TV, a massage or mani/pedi if possible.

I also bake a lot even though the last thing I need to do is eat all of the sweets I make, lol.

It helps me to reach out to others & catch up on their lives & ignore my stresses for a while. I often find that others are struggling in ways I wasn't seeing & feel good listening when they need to vent to someone safe. Especialy if they are the same people who lend me an ear & a shoulder when I need it too.
FireSprite is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 10:17 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Living in a Pinkful Place
 
MsPINKAcres's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
I agree with lillamy ~ some days I do my gratitude list and my PINKful happiness returns and then somedays I acknowledge the gratitude, but that "ick" is still with me.

Maybe it's a signal from my physical body saying "hey I need some attention!!"
Am I hungry, angry, lonely, tired? HALT
Do I need a meeting?
Do I need to read some recovery literature?
or
Do I need to rest in the promise "This too shall pass"
Today, I can allow myself to feel an emotion without it taking up permanent residency in my life. . .
an hour from now, a nap later, or maybe even tomorrow I can start anew
knowing I have validated my feelings (even though no one else may)
I have given myself good care
and I am ready to return to living Happy, Joyous and Free
One Day at a Time.

PINK HUGS & wishes for the very best for you
MsPINKAcres is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 11:52 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
aasharon90's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,201
I love music and it makes
me happy. I'll put on VH1 in the morning and
sit with my favorite cup of coffee, and I begin
to tap my feet, get my happy going on from
head to toe.

I'll read some shares here on SR, post, then
head outside for awhile enjoying the morning
sunshine and all my pretty flowers and bushes
blooming eye candy colored blooms.

I also have bird feeders hanging around the
yard, under the tree, waiting for the early
birds to feast, listening to all the different
chirps and bird songs that make me happy.

The wonders of natures bring so much
graditude, peace, happiness in my life.
So much so that I cant help but be Happy,
Happy, Happy..!!!!
aasharon90 is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 12:13 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Southern US
Posts: 785
I do much of the same as others. First I acknowledge my feelings. If I'm not sure why I'm feeling them, I try to figure it out. Sometimes I let myself wallow for a short time. Then, I pick myself up and go on with my day. Reading recovery literature or blogs, my bible, or even just a good novel (escapism!) helps. An al-anon meeting, if it's available, or a call to an al-anon friend or sponsor helps. Exercise. If it's nice outside, I go somewhere outside. For the times when those things aren't working, I will listen to music, watch an old favorite movie, or call a friend. Writing a gratitude list helps. If I'm really tired, I take a nap. Or, treat myself to a comfort food.

Most of the time, some combination of those things will make me feel better. On the worst days, I just remind myself that tomorrow will probably be better and muddle my way through the day the best that I can doing some of the above things and then I go to bed early. Usually, the next day I do feel better. I will say that I've noticed a pattern since starting al-anon. The days I have the most difficult time are the days I don't attend al-anon. To avoid the really bad days, I attend frequently and regularly.

Hugs. I hope you feel better soon
JustAGirl1971 is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 01:18 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Canine Welfare Advocate
 
doggonecarl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,961
Originally Posted by keepingthefaith View Post
When you're exhausted, wiped out, in a bad place or can't seem to move ahead, how do you find happiness, joy and a smile?
Sometimes I have to lower the bar. Happiness, joy, delight is often too high an expectation. So when I'm really low, I gratefully accept mild contentment or just serenity.

Hope you feel better too.
doggonecarl is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 03:05 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
SeriousKarma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
Originally Posted by keepingthefaith View Post
When you're exhausted, wiped out, in a bad place or can't seem to move ahead
Keepingthefaith, I know you've been going through a lot lately. Are you getting the rest you need? Taking care of yourself physically? Are you eating properly?
SeriousKarma is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 03:15 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 431
I guess I realize that it's ok to feel not so great some days...it will pass. I usually acknowledge the feelings and don't really try to hide them behind a smile or actions I don't really feel like taking (I used to do that and it really just made me feel worse personally). It's ok to feel bad sometimes.

For me sometimes I like to just watch a mindless TV show and sometimes I talk to someone I really connect with (I never had that with my XRAH but once I left the marriage I found for the first time real friends that I connect with so that helps...and I found them in the strangest places, so for me that was about reaching out and taking a risk and some of those worked out, some didn't. But the ones that worked out have been great friends/connections...something I don't think I'd ever experienced before).

Another thing for me is I live in a beautiful area and bustling city so sometimes I just go out on the patio and take it all in and that seems to lift my mood.

Whatever is going on it will pass....and by getting out my feelings rather than bottling or masking them that actually helps me/I used to mask and bottle everything.
Aeryn is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 03:21 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
I take Midol. :uzi2::uzi2: Just kidding!!!

Seriously, when I'm in a funk I usually try whining first. If complaining doesn't work then I'll try laughing (Jimmy Fallon YouTube videos usually do the trick) or losing myself in a good book. If neither of those work then I allow myself to be a Grumpy Gus for the day and make sure I get to bed early and promise myself that I'll be better rested and less funky the next day. If I'm STILL grumpy then that means I have some thinking to do to think about what's bugging me.

A venti Starbucks iced coffee always puts a little pep in my step too. Just saying.
Stung is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 03:24 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
AnvilheadII's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
When you're exhausted, wiped out, in a bad place or can't seem to move ahead, how do you find happiness, joy and a smile?

i don't...i find a BED. happy joyous and free are not always appropriate to the situation, or the timing. ie why we don't sing show-tunes at funerals.

helps to remember HALT - not to let ourselves get TOO
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
AnvilheadII is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 03:25 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: CA
Posts: 37
I acknowledge what I am feeling and go with it. It's ok to feel the way I do, as long as I don't get stuck there. I will also watch funny tv shows or movies...it could be the Golden Girls, Seinfeld, Modern Family, Mike & Molly, or Will & Grace, or any movie that is on DVD at home. Or if I am a different mood, it will be Law and Order (original, SVU, or Criminal Intent). Having the animals around helps too, especially when they cuddle up next to me. Having a nice cup of coffee with maybe a piece of chocolate....and a nice bubble bath. It all sounds good to me right now.
mauihope is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 03:38 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 5
Struggling with happiness too....

My wife returned home from a 30 rehab last Thursday and is now 41 days sober. I am so happy for her but am constantly having a pity party for me. She continues to blame me for her entering treatment even though it was a volunteer center. Blames me for the hard time she is having with people knowing she entered rehab. I have been going to al-anon and trying to follow the leave them alone advice but my old controlling and co-dependent nature is popping up. She is just so distant. She won't allow me to ask simple questions or let me in on anything. Long story short we are disconnected which I'm sure is to be expected but I'm still as lonely as I was when she was drinking and gone to rehab. I am trying to fill the void with God but I just miss her so much. I know time tables don't exist but any advice is helpful.
Dunwith is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 05:11 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
Rosiepetal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
I felt like that yesterday but had night off kids & decided to have a me night.
I had an intense boxing workout in my lounge, ate dinner then indulged in hot bath with rose crystals & a body scrub. Oh and 1 glass of red wine.
Felt a lot better after that.
Rosiepetal is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 05:28 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
lillamy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Lowering my standards also works for me.

That is -- it's OK to have a day when you eat ice cream for dinner.
It's OK to take a mental health day from work and watch everything Johnny Depp on Netflix.
It's OK to refuse to answer phone or e-mail or texts for a whole day (people will live).
It's OK to blow off cleaning the house so you have time to take a walk in the woods.

I spent so many years thinking the world would end if I didn't do what was expected of me that I kind of enjoyed sticking a big middle finger to expectations now and again...
lillamy is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 05:44 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
FireSprite's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by doggonecarl View Post
Sometimes I have to lower the bar. Happiness, joy, delight is often too high an expectation. So when I'm really low, I gratefully accept mild contentment or just serenity.
What a great way to put it into perspective, love this. I do allow myself to "wallow" temporarily so long as I don't stay there.

Now, my question is WHY have I never done THIS????

take a mental health day from work and watch everything Johnny Depp on Netflix
Isn't Admin Professional's Day next week?
FireSprite is offline  
Old 04-16-2014, 06:04 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
redatlanta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
I take an extra long bath with salts, salt scrub body. Give myself a facial and deep condition hair. Put on most comfy lounge wear jump in bed and watch trash tv.
redatlanta is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:35 PM.