HI Mercy, I am just past a week sober myself, i'm lucky this time, I'm not finding it so hard. I say 'this time' because I have listened to those dark thoughts you talk about so many times, not only have I listened, I have actioned them. Apart from a 30 day period of sobriety early last year, I have since had about 3 consecutive days since.
Choosing to pick up the drink, makes nothing go away, other than perhaps the shakes.......short term gain for long term loss. It doesn't get any better, it doesn't get any easier, each slip just brings more depression, more self destruction, more financial, social, career, friendship loss, more lies, more self isolation.
As many have mentioned on here before, play the tape to the end........doesn't make that first drink seem quite as inviting does it.
You've done so well Mercy, you've managed a week by your own self determination, that is no mean feat. Keep going Mercy, sign into the 24 hour club, check in here regularly and read around SR, take from it as much as you can to help ensure those tempting thoughts aren't actioned. There is a wealth of knowledge here. I would read all the time from others telling me how great sobriety was.....and how it get's easier. I would read but still not truly take it in.......deep down, I was still letting my mind, my AV be in control.
Not this time..........I know it's very early days for me Mercy, but I also feel that this time, I really understand what people meant when talking about the wonders of sobriety, i'm starting to feel it already. I'm sorry you're struggling but stick with it Mercy, you can do this, you really can.
LP