Congratulations in seeing a clearer view of what's happening to you regarding your alcohol intake. We only get better when we leave it in the jug.
It took me too long to realize this before I was sparked into action and went to a rehab. I'd suggest your saving this post to read if you ever start thinking the dishonest ideas that it wasn't that bad or I'll only have one.
I have burnt into my memory the thought "If I don't have the first drink I won't have to get sober AGAIN."
BE WELL