BeFree good to see you back posting, being here gives strength, some days it gives the strength we don't possess ourselves, and we lean totally on friends here. Other days we find our impetus to move forward.
The hardest part of stopping drinking for me was finding the courage to let go of it. To trust myself to be able to live without it. To believe in myself. The very person I loathed, the person I though of as a failure, a waster. I had to learn to love myself, to forgive myself, to believe that I deserved a chance-however late- to get things right. I had to believe that I could cope with a fight with hubby, that I could deal with my father, that I could 'manage' my depression. That I could confront my demons.
A year on, I have and am doing all those things, and alcohol slips further down my list of coping mechanisms. From now forwards, my biggest problem will be complacency. At the moment I am not in a place where I could even consider myself capable of social drinking, I get angry and resentful sometimes that I can't, but I don't believe I have that ability. I do know from Carlos and other experiences, that that is possibly my biggest concern. There are other ways AV can sneakily try to trick me or trip me, but part of my coping tools is preparation for potential situations which helps.
I guess what I'm saying here, to Babs and BeFree, is if you can find the strength her and the faith in yourselves to believe, then it is possible, and it gets easier. And seriously, honestly if a sad old bag like me can do it anyone can.
I also agree wholeheartedly with Dottie, surviving recovery does make you stronger.