The AA Test
Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?
Yes. This is the longest I have ever, ever been without a drink (2 weeks, 3 slip-ups). I have tried so many times to stop for a week or two but only lasted a maximum of four days. At four days the craving is too intense. Panic sets in. I want to cry.
Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking-- stop telling you what to do?
I used to. I am realising now that what they say is right.
Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk?
No.
Have you had to have a drink in the morning during the past year?
Yes. Last year it was at its worst. I would get desperate for a drink and wake up with it the first thing on my mind. I kept alcohol in my room just in case I couldn't face getting to the kitchen.
Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?
Yes. So much. I have never been able to be like that, not since I very first started drinking. Funnily, when I started university I prided myself on being nothing like everyone else, having already had my drinking experiences so not needing to go wild. So instead of going wild I was home, getting drunk, alone.
Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?
Yes.
Do you ever try to get 'extra' drinks at a party because you do not get enough?
I usually get drunk before the party starts.
Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want to, even though you keep getting drunk when you don't mean to?
I've stopped telling myself that because I know it isn't true.
Have you missed days off work because of drinking?
Actually, no. I always go to my seminars even if I'm out my head.
Do you have blackouts?
Real ones. Not just "Oh I can't really remember" or "Haha did I really do that?" But genuine blackouts with no recollection, during which I ahve sometimes done terrible things.
Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?
I know it would. My medication would work better. With that sorted, I would have a real shot at being genuinely happy.
What's your score?
I am scared to tot up...