of course I spoke to him when he called to collect our son for school and of course he denied planning any of this. he did say that he wasnt sure whether he came back out of guilt when he left the 2 weeks previously and doesnt know if he is still in love with me he says how can he be if he can put me through this but he does love me. Hes right how can he be in love with me and chose drink and wanting to do his own thing over his family. I didnt text him yesterday until he texted me last night to say night night xx he said he missed me yesterday as he hadnt heard from me
Driving into work today I was listening to one of ellie goldings songs and the words really hit home
How long will I love you as long as theres stars above you and longer if I can
How long will I give to you you as long as I live through you however long you say
How long will I want you as long as you want me and longer by far
particularly the middle line I am living thorugh him and will continue to live through him if I Let it. He is meant to be coming round for easter sunday dinner and I have told him I dont want to see him until then, that 2 weeks away I need to be strong and not contact him. I know it will be difficult but in the mean time I need to spend time with myself trying to come to terms with this and not constantly wanting answers to questions I will never know.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cant change or understand, please give me the strength to get through each day.
this is about getting through each minute at the minute and discovering what I want and who I am. baby steps