Stephanie

Hi Jamy,

You're catching me a few years later then where you are right now. I went with the M and then now I have the C (children) and the S... has hit the fan and destruction is abound, so excuse me if I sound a little adament in my words as I will try to not let my personal experiences as of late hinder my reply to you.

Two things really struck me in your post, the first being the part about the business aspect of marriage. You are obviously seeing the extra income as a positive and in some cases it may be, but with an A, in a yr or two he could be unemployed and having you support him because he is unemployable. Alcoholism is a progressive disease, it gets worse and worse and there are no guarantees when you are the spouse of an active alcoholic, so if security is what your looking for, I'de have to say look elsewhere.

The other part of the post that struck me is where you said you would be able to make medical decisions for him if he could not speak due to the alcoholism. I will ask you this.....Do you want to spend your life taking care of him? What about you??? What if you have kids? They are going to need you. From my experience I had to do what I needed to do to stay strong and available for my children, and that means TAKING CARE OF MYSELF.

I'm not suggesting that you shouldn't marry this man but I am trying to allow you to see the reality of being married to an active alcoholic. It's always good to know what you're up against so you can have the appropriate tools in place to take care of yourself. You're taking a great first step by coming here and seeking out Alanon.

I'm so sorry if I sound harsh, I've actually taken a hiatus from replying to alanon posts because I feel a little self righteous right now. I hope you were able to hear the message in a loving way as it was written out of concern........ and this huge red fag waving in my face!!