Fear
Hi, all. What do you do when your "A" talks about the future and you yourself are just trying to live in the present and not dwell on the past??? Mine is so in denial, talks about marriage and retirement and all I see is a blank slate. I just want to live in the present and he gets really offended when I don't jump up and down clapping when he mentions the "M" word. Of course, my resistance to facing the topic is directly proprtional to his drinking, but we cannot address THAT. We must,when he is sober, pretend there IS NO problem. How do you love someone, try to keep loving them, and try not to hurt them while gently swaying conversation away from what I feel is a moot point??? Very confusing b/c the heart says one thing, the brain another, and the brain is way smarter than the heart LOL...On the other hand, and this will sound kind of cold, if I am investing my heart and soul anyways, should I see M as a sort of business aspect of it with the financial practicality and benefits, and the right to help him make medical decisions if he chooses to keep poisoning himself??At least I would be his voice when he couldnot speak,.
Is this all too much?? Just very confused right now andwant to do the right thing but also do not want to waste my life LOL
HUGS , JAMY