I'm sorry Lilly. I know the feeling of devastation. I hope you find peace and understanding. I would be crushed too. It's okay to mourn his failure. It's okay to cry and be sad and it's okay to not feel happy or good.
Good going on not back sad information or belittling him. That was great control on your part. As you know, us addicts are our own worst enemy. Ppeople putting us down only confirmation are darkest thoughts about ourselves. Of course untrue as we were created beautifully and all have the power to live for goodness. Sometimes we should give ourselves credit for having to try harder.
It's not easy.
Time may not heal all wounds but it let's us build bridges sway from the pain and only visiting it when we choose.