Hey. Thank you for all your responses. I've started to come to terms with everything that's happened. My friends and family are all aware and they're all really, really angry, not only with him and the way he has and continues to treat me, but also because, in their eyes, I don't seem to condemn his behaviour. No one really knows the half of the abuse I've suffered. They can only see the effects.
One thing that keeps going through my mind is that, at the moment he's doing really well and I really hope that this time he gets himself properly clean. If, by cutting me out, he does manage stay sober, how am I supposed to accept that everyone will see me as the one that kept him drinking like he's told them. I know it's a selfish viewpoint to take, but after everything he's done to me physically, mentally, financially and psychologically the final kick in the teeth will be scapegoated and despised for him being how he was. He twists everything so much and lays on the charm and pity act so well, people believe him.
My main true wish is that he gets clean so that monster will never return. Will there ever come a time when he's sober that he'll be able to face up to what he's done to me and stop attacking me and being heartlessly hostile? Him staying sober will let me finally switch my panic mode off, so I want it as much to see him happy as I do to be able to shake him off and walk away without petty retribution. Is that a codey thing or a normal reaction? Never realised how deeply confused I've allowed myself to get!!