Hi Confused,
I'm not the best at boundaries. I tend to be a bit too dramatic and a bit late in the timing. So it sounds like you realized your qualifier wanted to have his cake and eat it too. You said, no I want a divorce. But what you really meant was oh honey let's work through this addiction together?
There is phrase that helps "say what you mean and mean what you say." You need to speak your truth and be ready to enforce it.
Don't feel bad. My RAH blew up at me this week because I asked him to take 5lovelanguages quiz online. So now I am not supposed to find answers in books or meditate. He thinks I am doing terribly and is still mad I was depressed to make him feel bad at Christmas. I sort of feel like I have kicked March in the teeth with some super step 4 work. So as usual our paths of recovery do not appear to be in sync.