Bebetter, I know how you feel. I've questioned many times why I can't drink like a normal person. But the funny thing is... is that normal drinkers don't care about that kind of thing. Normal drinkers probably wouldn't care if they didn't have a drink for the rest of their lives.
Also, to those functioning heavy drinkers, which is what your friend sounds like, you never really know what's going on in their lives. You say she keeps her **** together, but does she really? Do you think everyone on the outside saw that your life was crumbling around you because of drinking?
It doesn't matter anyway. It's ultimately about what YOU want and your happiness. For me, yeah, in a perfect world I'd be able to drink happily every night and not have any problems. No hangovers. No relationship issues. No work issues. Or even better, I wouldn't like alcohol in the first place. Unfortunately, for some unknown reason, I'm an alcoholic and if I don't stay away from the stuff I will ruin my own life. I didn't pick that lot, but life isn't fair.
My parents are the same way as your friend. They drink every single night. They have drank every night since I can remember. My dad had absolutely no problem drinking and driving with me in the car. Seriously, cruising down the road with a beer in his hand with children in the car. I thought it was normal. He STILL drinks like that.
Then there's me. I drink just like him, and I end up with a DUI. Then I take it to a whole new level. Justifying drinking at 11am, going to work with the shakes so bad I can't even start an IV on my patients, ruining my marriage, and putting the health of my own baby at risk. So I had to stop completely. Now every time I'm around my parents I have to sit there and watch them continue on in their lives as functional alcoholics and wonder why the hell I can't do the same.
I don't know why it's like that. I never chose this. The only thing I know is that I have a serious alcohol problem and I can either choose to let that get me down or I can choose to live my life.