You know what, this is a terrible hostage situation. You are being abused. Do you see it for what it is, emoational abuse??
Yesterday my XAH asked me if we have enough life insurance in case something happens to him to take care of the kids. It set me off b/c I know he has been depressed and I sent his sister a concerned text, etc. You know what, I reacted just like he wants me to. Today he is doing just fine and back to his usual attitude. We are trying to agree on our divorce and have kids together so I have to speak to him, although I try very hard to keep it about the kids.
My point here is that he put you to the test over and over and you passed with flying colors each time. He is testing you to see just how far he can push and what he can get by with. You deserve so much better.
And shhh...don't tell him this, but if he was actively in recovery he would realize you cannot blame it on anyone other than yourself. When and if he is ever in recovery his mind would make that shift. Until it does, he is just full of it.
Run...fast and far away from this "friend" of yours. What's the saying....with friends like that who needs enemies?
I am so sorry for what brings you here but so glad you found us. Keep posting, you are not alone!