It doesn’t have to be all or nothing – it really does come down to healthy boundaries and setting them for yourself. And not just with him but everyone in your life moving forward.
When I did stop trying to do damage limitation, I ended up with him coming to my home, to my mum's home and swaying abusively on a cocaine and alcohol fuelled binge.
And you didn’t call the police why?
I am guilty of highlighting what he's done after a binge when it has really affected me. I never get a chance to recover or heal from his mania and paranoia. The "suicide attempts" are the ones that shake me and the last performance was the worst. I cannot compute how someone could do that to someone else and then think it's funny that I fell for it. Of course when he sobered up, he had only a very vague recollection of his actions and couldn't understand why I couldn't bring myself to talk to him.
That's not loyalty that's being a hostage to him.
[QUOTEIf I do step away for good and he makes the 90 days, I'll feel guilty that I've stopped when he's doing so well. ][/QUOTE]
Why does it have to be all or nothing? Why can’t you just step away because it’s an un-healthy situation for you and your family? Take a well needed time out away from his chaos and allow him the space to find his own way to recovery or whatever path he chooses to take.
I'll be blamed for it all irrespective as it's already begun where he's lied and twisted things about so much.
Again, friends don’t do this to friends. And to boot this is only someone you’ve only known for 14 months and prior to that you used to hang out with him years ago. Ever ask yourself why YOU? Where are all his other friends? What happened to them?