BoxinRitz I think you've hit the nail on the head. I've slept on in and have decided to take the 90 days to get myself recovered from him. I am lucky that I have good and protective friends and family around me too. At the moment I am disturbing angry and resentful which are emotions I'm not really used to, but my friends are letting me vent rather than bottle it up. I know that once my damaged pride and ego calm down and the anger subsides, I'll be able to appraise the situation better. I'm letting it hurt me this time rather than pushing it away which is truly hideous at the moment but I know I'll he much more resolute and less guilt ridden within a few weeks. The past 14 months have been the hardest and most destructive I have known, and I only have myself to blame for letting him control me, and trying to control him. If you knew someone's next binge would lead to you getting very badly hurt, wouldn't you try to control it too? Sorry I'm letting off again. It's still so raw and painful at the moment.