hi... i can so relate to everything you are saying!!! That was me these last couple of weeks, i was lurching from being angry, to raging, to spitting mad, to frustrated back to angry and round and round i went in circles.
i eventually told my psychiatrist about these rampant emotions and where it all stems from (my AH is now on subutex but is quite clear that he DOESNT want to leave the family, which has its' own pitfalls) and he put me on a mood stabilizer.. but that is just me, i am not suggesting you take this drastic kind of step!!! I was just making myself ill going through those same emotions you are going through.
I have been a lot calmer this week so far, i bought a book on recovery and im slowly reading my way through it, implementing some of the suggestions in there. Its mainly CBT based, so you examine your reactions and then look at a more positive way to deal with it all.
However, i think it is really important that we allow ourselves to let this anger and resentment out somewhere.. youve taken a first step and shared here, for me the turning point also came when i raged on here and lots of people rallied and told me i was OK. That what i was feeling was "normal" and justified.. sometimes that is all we need, to have our feelings validated and acknowledged.
I suppose there is never an easy way to deal with the ups and downs living with an addict brings.. we just have to hang in there the best we can, looking after ourselves and our kids first and foremostly and almost shove the addict out of our minds with force.
I am an ex military wife, so used to being a "lone parent" for long periods of time, however this time round there is noone cheering me on, noone telling me what a great job im doing even though effectively, im in the same position i was in when XH was deployed or on exercise.
It sucks, majorly... its not fair, you shouldnt have to do this on your own, neither should i or the other 1000s of supporters of addicts here... but we have to keep going for our kids' sake..
Hope you feel better soon x do something nice JUST for you if you get some spare time, i know, its easier said than done.. im struggling with it too, but it becomes easier the more you do it... i started really small with a long, hot shower and have now worked up to just taking some time out and reading for a bit or picking up my crochet hook..