Breaking Point!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: RICHMOND, va
Posts: 85
Breaking Point!!
My family has been dealing with my husbands cycle of addiction for years now. He's hocked our things,lied, schemed, terrorized, ruined family vacations and holidays. He's disappeared for days, leaving the family in a state of panic just to show back up and blame others. We are constantly worried. A part of me thinks he likes the attention.
We finally hit a breaking point 3 weeks ago and he decided rather than admit he had hocked our computer and camera for crack, he would leave. He later admitted to hocking our items for crack but blamed it on me and the kids and the stress that comes along with being a family. I just walked away in tears.
Last week he decided we needed to talk, he's been going to counseling and still wants to stay separated because he can't work on himself with he distractions of the kids and me; he needs to focus on him solely. He hasn't made a single effort to spend time with the kids or even call them.
Yesterday, I picked up a few grocery items and wanted to take them to his mothers house, where he's been staying. I canned and texted and realized that his phone was turned off and this is NEVER a good sign because when he's using he doesn't want to be bothered. He finally sent me a text saying that he'd gone to work left his charger at home (his moms). I asked him about his day and where he was and he wouldn't and didn't answer. The his boss called my phone and left a message looking for him. I was so angry at him! I said some mean things: I may have told him to man up and to stop acting like a baby. Everything has been about him! To hell with the kids and me, we are left to deal with this on our own.
At what point do we stop making excuses for them? And he acts like I have no right to be angry; I'm an addict I can't help it. I'm so tired of hearing that. I can't cop out of life whenever I feel like I want an escape, I have little ones depending on me. How is it ok for him to just decide to check out while he "heals himself" if that is what he's even doing. He's so good at lying I can't even tell anymore. I am sooooooo angry!!!!
We finally hit a breaking point 3 weeks ago and he decided rather than admit he had hocked our computer and camera for crack, he would leave. He later admitted to hocking our items for crack but blamed it on me and the kids and the stress that comes along with being a family. I just walked away in tears.
Last week he decided we needed to talk, he's been going to counseling and still wants to stay separated because he can't work on himself with he distractions of the kids and me; he needs to focus on him solely. He hasn't made a single effort to spend time with the kids or even call them.
Yesterday, I picked up a few grocery items and wanted to take them to his mothers house, where he's been staying. I canned and texted and realized that his phone was turned off and this is NEVER a good sign because when he's using he doesn't want to be bothered. He finally sent me a text saying that he'd gone to work left his charger at home (his moms). I asked him about his day and where he was and he wouldn't and didn't answer. The his boss called my phone and left a message looking for him. I was so angry at him! I said some mean things: I may have told him to man up and to stop acting like a baby. Everything has been about him! To hell with the kids and me, we are left to deal with this on our own.
At what point do we stop making excuses for them? And he acts like I have no right to be angry; I'm an addict I can't help it. I'm so tired of hearing that. I can't cop out of life whenever I feel like I want an escape, I have little ones depending on me. How is it ok for him to just decide to check out while he "heals himself" if that is what he's even doing. He's so good at lying I can't even tell anymore. I am sooooooo angry!!!!
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
Look at the obvious what is right in front of you.
He told you he was at work and his boss called looking for him.
And that means he isn’t ready. When will he be, well active addiction looks like active addiction. If he is blaming others and not taking responsibility for his actions, if he is comparing out ( I am not as bad as) if he is stealing, lying, unreliable, making excuses then he is in active addiction.
Recovery looks much different.
Please stop making excuses for him, and know that you never should have from the beginning.
Also don’t buy him groceries, please keep groceries for you and your children. He is a grown man (and can take of himself) who can surely buy his own. And don’t buy into the I have no money ******** because frankly if he did it would go to crack anyway because he isn’t showing that he is in recovery. He has to find what is more important, crack or food … sadly in active addiction the crack is gonna win.
Also be grateful he isn’t there right now. You do not need that or the worry of wondering what will be sold next, what will he do next. Crack addicts can be volatile and unpredictable using as well as coming down. You do not have to subject you or your children to him in that state and you shouldn’t.
Stay safe.
He told you he was at work and his boss called looking for him.
And that means he isn’t ready. When will he be, well active addiction looks like active addiction. If he is blaming others and not taking responsibility for his actions, if he is comparing out ( I am not as bad as) if he is stealing, lying, unreliable, making excuses then he is in active addiction.
Recovery looks much different.
Please stop making excuses for him, and know that you never should have from the beginning.
Also don’t buy him groceries, please keep groceries for you and your children. He is a grown man (and can take of himself) who can surely buy his own. And don’t buy into the I have no money ******** because frankly if he did it would go to crack anyway because he isn’t showing that he is in recovery. He has to find what is more important, crack or food … sadly in active addiction the crack is gonna win.
Also be grateful he isn’t there right now. You do not need that or the worry of wondering what will be sold next, what will he do next. Crack addicts can be volatile and unpredictable using as well as coming down. You do not have to subject you or your children to him in that state and you shouldn’t.
Stay safe.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: West Midlands
Posts: 135
hi... i can so relate to everything you are saying!!! That was me these last couple of weeks, i was lurching from being angry, to raging, to spitting mad, to frustrated back to angry and round and round i went in circles.
i eventually told my psychiatrist about these rampant emotions and where it all stems from (my AH is now on subutex but is quite clear that he DOESNT want to leave the family, which has its' own pitfalls) and he put me on a mood stabilizer.. but that is just me, i am not suggesting you take this drastic kind of step!!! I was just making myself ill going through those same emotions you are going through.
I have been a lot calmer this week so far, i bought a book on recovery and im slowly reading my way through it, implementing some of the suggestions in there. Its mainly CBT based, so you examine your reactions and then look at a more positive way to deal with it all.
However, i think it is really important that we allow ourselves to let this anger and resentment out somewhere.. youve taken a first step and shared here, for me the turning point also came when i raged on here and lots of people rallied and told me i was OK. That what i was feeling was "normal" and justified.. sometimes that is all we need, to have our feelings validated and acknowledged.
I suppose there is never an easy way to deal with the ups and downs living with an addict brings.. we just have to hang in there the best we can, looking after ourselves and our kids first and foremostly and almost shove the addict out of our minds with force.
I am an ex military wife, so used to being a "lone parent" for long periods of time, however this time round there is noone cheering me on, noone telling me what a great job im doing even though effectively, im in the same position i was in when XH was deployed or on exercise.
It sucks, majorly... its not fair, you shouldnt have to do this on your own, neither should i or the other 1000s of supporters of addicts here... but we have to keep going for our kids' sake..
Hope you feel better soon x do something nice JUST for you if you get some spare time, i know, its easier said than done.. im struggling with it too, but it becomes easier the more you do it... i started really small with a long, hot shower and have now worked up to just taking some time out and reading for a bit or picking up my crochet hook..
i eventually told my psychiatrist about these rampant emotions and where it all stems from (my AH is now on subutex but is quite clear that he DOESNT want to leave the family, which has its' own pitfalls) and he put me on a mood stabilizer.. but that is just me, i am not suggesting you take this drastic kind of step!!! I was just making myself ill going through those same emotions you are going through.
I have been a lot calmer this week so far, i bought a book on recovery and im slowly reading my way through it, implementing some of the suggestions in there. Its mainly CBT based, so you examine your reactions and then look at a more positive way to deal with it all.
However, i think it is really important that we allow ourselves to let this anger and resentment out somewhere.. youve taken a first step and shared here, for me the turning point also came when i raged on here and lots of people rallied and told me i was OK. That what i was feeling was "normal" and justified.. sometimes that is all we need, to have our feelings validated and acknowledged.
I suppose there is never an easy way to deal with the ups and downs living with an addict brings.. we just have to hang in there the best we can, looking after ourselves and our kids first and foremostly and almost shove the addict out of our minds with force.
I am an ex military wife, so used to being a "lone parent" for long periods of time, however this time round there is noone cheering me on, noone telling me what a great job im doing even though effectively, im in the same position i was in when XH was deployed or on exercise.
It sucks, majorly... its not fair, you shouldnt have to do this on your own, neither should i or the other 1000s of supporters of addicts here... but we have to keep going for our kids' sake..
Hope you feel better soon x do something nice JUST for you if you get some spare time, i know, its easier said than done.. im struggling with it too, but it becomes easier the more you do it... i started really small with a long, hot shower and have now worked up to just taking some time out and reading for a bit or picking up my crochet hook..
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,849
At what point do we stop making excuses for them? And he acts like I have no right to be angry; I'm an addict I can't help it. I'm so tired of hearing that. I can't cop out of life whenever I feel like I want an escape, I have little ones depending on me. How is it ok for him to just decide to check out while he "heals himself" if that is what he's even doing. He's so good at lying I can't even tell anymore. I am sooooooo angry!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: In the Middle
Posts: 632
It sounds like he is out of control and in control of this whole situation.
That for some reason he thinks HE can call the shots. He doesn't realize that he's losing his family. He doesn't think HE should because he can't help himself because he's an addict. Honestly - It sounds exhausting and lights my fire thinking about it.
I know how horrible living with someone who is in active addiction is. I have been lied to, stolen from and completely taken advantage of. I felt used, abused and completely powerless over my situations. To the point where I didn't even want to work things out one minute and the next I couldn't help crying thinking he was dead somewhere. It's a vicious cycle.
We are hear for yoU!!
That for some reason he thinks HE can call the shots. He doesn't realize that he's losing his family. He doesn't think HE should because he can't help himself because he's an addict. Honestly - It sounds exhausting and lights my fire thinking about it.
I know how horrible living with someone who is in active addiction is. I have been lied to, stolen from and completely taken advantage of. I felt used, abused and completely powerless over my situations. To the point where I didn't even want to work things out one minute and the next I couldn't help crying thinking he was dead somewhere. It's a vicious cycle.
We are hear for yoU!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: RICHMOND, va
Posts: 85
You are exactly right! Why should I let him call the shots? What is that anyway? He gets to cause the family anxiety and turmoil yet again and then let me know how things are going to be. You're totally right. I need to take control. How did I let a crack addict have control of my life and my family? Someone else on SR said that addicts keep crossing the boundaries and we keep moving our boundary lines to accommodate, without really realizing it; it happens so slowly.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: RICHMOND, va
Posts: 85
Originally Posted by gabriel01 
stop and don't be a victim. Also, don't buying him grocery, he is a grown man, he can do that for himself. If he chose crack instead of grocery to feed himself, it's his choice.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: In the Middle
Posts: 632
Addicts are smart. If they tell you they are in recovery we are suppose to give them time love and support... HOWEVER!!!!!
I can't tell you how many times my husband has told me he's in recovery and its BS. All the way up to mandatory inpatient rehab through probation. He tried to tell me it was for taking a hit off a joint. This was during my denial phase... and NOT wanting to know. He was a total LIAR. The truth came out and I wasn't angry at him. I was angry at myself... I was happy he was going into a 30 day inpatient.. and things stayed good for about 6 months after he got out.... but then he relapsed again and ... went on with the ... I can't help myself...crap.
It is a cycle. Only I choose to still stay in it... because this time it's 14 month in patient. I choose this.. but my choice isn't for everyone. It may not even be my choice in a few years... but I go day by day.
That's all we can do... is make the best of what we have and change ourselves. So we don't feed the monster anymore.
I can't tell you how many times my husband has told me he's in recovery and its BS. All the way up to mandatory inpatient rehab through probation. He tried to tell me it was for taking a hit off a joint. This was during my denial phase... and NOT wanting to know. He was a total LIAR. The truth came out and I wasn't angry at him. I was angry at myself... I was happy he was going into a 30 day inpatient.. and things stayed good for about 6 months after he got out.... but then he relapsed again and ... went on with the ... I can't help myself...crap.
It is a cycle. Only I choose to still stay in it... because this time it's 14 month in patient. I choose this.. but my choice isn't for everyone. It may not even be my choice in a few years... but I go day by day.
That's all we can do... is make the best of what we have and change ourselves. So we don't feed the monster anymore.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 413
I think you read support here for those who are actively seeking recovery. In your case, your husband is talking a good game, but hasn't really put anything into his recovery yet except for (possibly) a few counselling sessions. Instead, he is making one bad decision after another, lying and stealing, ignoring any adult obligations.
You don't have to support this behavior or make any excuses for it. You can if you want to, but will that help him? or you? Might be best to take a break and minimize contact until he decides (if he ever does) that he's had enough of the drug world.
You don't have to support this behavior or make any excuses for it. You can if you want to, but will that help him? or you? Might be best to take a break and minimize contact until he decides (if he ever does) that he's had enough of the drug world.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
He later admitted to hocking our items for crack but blamed it on me and the kids and the stress that comes along with being a family.
He is not a family man, he is not a good father and he's told you trying to be that stress's him out. He's an addict and the only way he knows how to handle stress or anything other way to cope in life is to use drugs.
You said, it's been going on for years and years with no signs of stopped besides his words which you have discovered are all lies.
Acceptance is very hard but so is having the family witness this active addiction over and over again.
I think using this time while you are seperated for you to seek some counseling for you and for what you want in life for yourself and your children is your best course of action.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: los angeles
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by L0stH0pe
hi... i can so relate to everything you are saying!!! That was me these last couple of weeks, i was lurching from being angry, to raging, to spitting mad, to frustrated back to angry and round and round i went in circles.
i eventually told my psychiatrist about these rampant emotions and where it all stems from (my AH is now on subutex but is quite clear that he DOESNT want to leave the family, which has its' own pitfalls) and he put me on a mood stabilizer.. but that is just me, i am not suggesting you take this drastic kind of step!!! I was just making myself ill going through those same emotions you are going through.
I have been a lot calmer this week so far, i bought a book on recovery and im slowly reading my way through it, implementing some of the suggestions in there. Its mainly CBT based, so you examine your reactions and then look at a more positive way to deal with it all.
However, i think it is really important that we allow ourselves to let this anger and resentment out somewhere.. youve taken a first step and shared here, for me the turning point also came when i raged on here and lots of people rallied and told me i was OK. That what i was feeling was "normal" and justified.. sometimes that is all we need, to have our feelings validated and acknowledged.
I suppose there is never an easy way to deal with the ups and downs living with an addict brings.. we just have to hang in there the best we can, looking after ourselves and our kids first and foremostly and almost shove the addict out of our minds with force.
I am an ex military wife, so used to being a "lone parent" for long periods of time, however this time round there is noone cheering me on, noone telling me what a great job im doing even though effectively, im in the same position i was in when XH was deployed or on exercise.
It sucks, majorly... its not fair, you shouldnt have to do this on your own, neither should i or the other 1000s of supporters of addicts here... but we have to keep going for our kids' sake..
Hope you feel better soon x do something nice JUST for you if you get some spare time, i know, its easier said than done.. im struggling with it too, but it becomes easier the more you do it... i started really small with a long, hot shower and have now worked up to just taking some time out and reading for a bit or picking up my crochet hook..
i eventually told my psychiatrist about these rampant emotions and where it all stems from (my AH is now on subutex but is quite clear that he DOESNT want to leave the family, which has its' own pitfalls) and he put me on a mood stabilizer.. but that is just me, i am not suggesting you take this drastic kind of step!!! I was just making myself ill going through those same emotions you are going through.
I have been a lot calmer this week so far, i bought a book on recovery and im slowly reading my way through it, implementing some of the suggestions in there. Its mainly CBT based, so you examine your reactions and then look at a more positive way to deal with it all.
However, i think it is really important that we allow ourselves to let this anger and resentment out somewhere.. youve taken a first step and shared here, for me the turning point also came when i raged on here and lots of people rallied and told me i was OK. That what i was feeling was "normal" and justified.. sometimes that is all we need, to have our feelings validated and acknowledged.
I suppose there is never an easy way to deal with the ups and downs living with an addict brings.. we just have to hang in there the best we can, looking after ourselves and our kids first and foremostly and almost shove the addict out of our minds with force.
I am an ex military wife, so used to being a "lone parent" for long periods of time, however this time round there is noone cheering me on, noone telling me what a great job im doing even though effectively, im in the same position i was in when XH was deployed or on exercise.
It sucks, majorly... its not fair, you shouldnt have to do this on your own, neither should i or the other 1000s of supporters of addicts here... but we have to keep going for our kids' sake..
Hope you feel better soon x do something nice JUST for you if you get some spare time, i know, its easier said than done.. im struggling with it too, but it becomes easier the more you do it... i started really small with a long, hot shower and have now worked up to just taking some time out and reading for a bit or picking up my crochet hook..
Member
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Grass Valley, CA, USA
Posts: 32
It is such a burden being made to manage all of those secrets isn't it? Its exhausting, disappointing, and embarrassingly shameful. They get high and feel great. We feel the guilt and shame. Pretty sweet game for them.?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
I agree with the others that he is not showing an active recovery. What he is showing is an addicti that doesn't want people in the way of his drugs
Let go or be dragged.
His recovery will be noticeable to you.....when it happens.
Let go or be dragged.
His recovery will be noticeable to you.....when it happens.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Peace today to you. I fight the secrets and get blame for speaking the truth even in early recovery.
Let go or be dragged. My whole life I have a problem with letting go. Such a simple thing, but I hold on tighter like somehow I can make a difference... It can be tough and feels awkward.
Let go or be dragged. My whole life I have a problem with letting go. Such a simple thing, but I hold on tighter like somehow I can make a difference... It can be tough and feels awkward.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: RICHMOND, va
Posts: 85
Originally Posted by CodeJob
Peace today to you. I fight the secrets and get blame for speaking the truth even in early recovery. Let go or be dragged. My whole life I have a problem with letting go. Such a simple thing, but I hold on tighter like somehow I can make a difference... It can be tough and feels awkward.
Let go or be dragged- that's an accurate statement for sure.
Well he sent a text last night announcing that he was coming "home" to stay after he gets off of work. I told him that he doesn't get to choose to abandon the family and just show back up whenever he feels the urge. I reminded him that he are people with feelings. I also told him that he can't reassume his role in our family until I'm sure that he's working on sobriety and can focus on maintaining it. He's furious! He doesn't see why he can't just come back after a month like nothing ever happened. I told him to talk to his psychiatrist and see if she things it's a good idea. Of course she won't see it as a good idea. Of course now I'm getting threatened with other women and never seeing him again, blah blah..
He's not rational. I tried to tell him that he need to rebuild with small steps to be sure we are both better in order to succeed. He's not hearing any of that. Now he turned off his phone so we can't talk any further about rebuilding. The addict doesn't get to call the shots. I can finally say that with some strength and confidence. I can't go through this anymore. He's been gone almost a month and I'm finally sleeping and eating again. I actually has a girlfriend over last nigh who I haven't seen in a while. I'm beginning to love again and while I miss him; this is the man that blamed me and the kids for his crack use.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I think the only question is what are you going to do about it? His behaviors are not likely to change. So instead can you focus on what can you do to make you and your children in a better place? What boundaries can you put up and stick with to make you and your children's life a more peaceful one?
Anyone working any sort of recovery will not blame anyone else for their addiction. I am pretty sure you are not forcing crack on him! It's a blame game and manipulation game to do anything they can to not have to accept any blame themselves.
Be strong and find things that do bring YOU joy! Take care of your babies, they need you!
Anyone working any sort of recovery will not blame anyone else for their addiction. I am pretty sure you are not forcing crack on him! It's a blame game and manipulation game to do anything they can to not have to accept any blame themselves.
Be strong and find things that do bring YOU joy! Take care of your babies, they need you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
An endless Stockholm Syndrome.
Someone points a weapon at you, you are terrified.
When they point the weapon AWAY from you, you are grateful to them.
(negating the fact they had no right to point it at you to begin with----
and the LOGICAL course of action is to be furious at them)
The addicted person I cared about put me through this many times.
"I can't go on like this----I'm ready to get help"
(music to my ears....THANK GOD!!!!!.....what can I do to help!?!?!?)
----------more $$$$? (big surprise).
The best responses are never words (by definition:cheap)....but actions.
Changed my phone #, blocked every contact method, an 'operational'
goodbye, not a threatened or dramatic one.
One that says (unequivocally)......get help or don't-----it's your life and your business.
Someone points a weapon at you, you are terrified.
When they point the weapon AWAY from you, you are grateful to them.
(negating the fact they had no right to point it at you to begin with----
and the LOGICAL course of action is to be furious at them)
The addicted person I cared about put me through this many times.
"I can't go on like this----I'm ready to get help"
(music to my ears....THANK GOD!!!!!.....what can I do to help!?!?!?)
----------more $$$$? (big surprise).
The best responses are never words (by definition:cheap)....but actions.
Changed my phone #, blocked every contact method, an 'operational'
goodbye, not a threatened or dramatic one.
One that says (unequivocally)......get help or don't-----it's your life and your business.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: RICHMOND, va
Posts: 85
Originally Posted by Vale
An endless Stockholm Syndrome. Someone points a weapon at you, you are terrified. When they point the weapon AWAY from you, you are grateful to them. (negating the fact they had no right to point it at you to begin with---- and the LOGICAL course of action is to be furious at them) The addicted person I cared about put me through this many times. "I can't go on like this----I'm ready to get help" (music to my ears....THANK GOD!!!!!.....what can I do to help!?!?!?) ----------more $$$$? (big surprise). The best responses are never words (by definition:cheap)....but actions. Changed my phone #, blocked every contact method, an 'operational' goodbye, not a threatened or dramatic one. One that says (unequivocally)......get help or don't-----it's your life and your business.
Stockholm syndrome:/ Seems like a pattern of behavior with which I am familiar.
He called to ask the if he can take the kids to a movie, after not contacting them for almost a month. I agreed, reluctantly; asking for him to let me know details pick up time, movie time, return time, etc. I called his mothers house looking for him today and she said he's getting off at 5 picking up the kids for a 730 movie. I was not happy with his discussion of the arrangements with his mother before firming things up with me (his wife and their mother) first. I finally got in touch with him and told him it would be nice if he would discuss details with me first before making concrete plans. He blew up at me, I always need to be in control, I'm crazy and bipolar(same thing he always called me when I asked him about using crack) All because I asked him to give me some respect and courtesy of taking to me first.
I didn't even get that upset about it, just said "it would be nice if you communicated with me first" now he can't handle the stress as he's moving on to find someone else. I also have an issue with the fact that I was informed that he was moving back into the house, which I refused to allow. He's not apologized for blaming us for his use. He's not apologized for hocking our things, nothing. Just wants to show back up and be in control and gets angry when he's denied full control. Is this typical: I want to come back but I want full control and i won't admit any wrongdoing or apologize. He says the reason were not together is because of me. Wow.
Baby Steps
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Hi I can relate to everything your saying I am going through the exact same at the minute my husband walked out just over 3 weeks ago saying he wanted to be on his own to do what he wants when he wants. We would be married 17 yrs in June. He has had little contact with me or the kids. I feel your pain big hugs.
I understand your anger and I am sure you are feeling very hurt and let down. I have learned mostly through the support from others on this site that those with addictions do not think about others and will let nothing get in their way if they want to drink or take drugs
I know this is hard to hear but only he can make the choice to stop and seek serious help. No matter what you say or do you can't help him he has to do this himself!
What you need to do is ensure that financially you and your children are safe and secure and I don't want to come across as mean but if he's selling your goods and spending money you have to make sure he's not spending yours. Get your own bank account and speak to a solicitor.
Make it clear to him that you will no longer accept his behaviour and if he wants to come home he has to stop misusing and seek help. and stand by your decision he needs to know that you mean it this time. Stop buying him food and looking after him I know that's hard but your enabling him to continue his behaviour and he knows that you will always look after him regardless of what he does. I used to threaten my husband with leaving or throwing him out all the time unless he stopped drinking. I always took him back after he promised me he would change get help and never drink again
Look after yourself and take all the support from friends and family you can. Also use this site it has been great for me and I like you am only starting my recovery. This is not your fault this is all down to him he needs to take responsibility for what he has done to you and your kids but please understand he may not.
Look after yourself do things for yourself and your kids and arm yourself with knowledge and information about addiction there are good posts on this site and a good one about the role we play within addiction, the rescuer the enabler or the provoker this was really insightful for me and helped me realise I was all three at times.
Take care and stay strong
I understand your anger and I am sure you are feeling very hurt and let down. I have learned mostly through the support from others on this site that those with addictions do not think about others and will let nothing get in their way if they want to drink or take drugs
I know this is hard to hear but only he can make the choice to stop and seek serious help. No matter what you say or do you can't help him he has to do this himself!
What you need to do is ensure that financially you and your children are safe and secure and I don't want to come across as mean but if he's selling your goods and spending money you have to make sure he's not spending yours. Get your own bank account and speak to a solicitor.
Make it clear to him that you will no longer accept his behaviour and if he wants to come home he has to stop misusing and seek help. and stand by your decision he needs to know that you mean it this time. Stop buying him food and looking after him I know that's hard but your enabling him to continue his behaviour and he knows that you will always look after him regardless of what he does. I used to threaten my husband with leaving or throwing him out all the time unless he stopped drinking. I always took him back after he promised me he would change get help and never drink again
Look after yourself and take all the support from friends and family you can. Also use this site it has been great for me and I like you am only starting my recovery. This is not your fault this is all down to him he needs to take responsibility for what he has done to you and your kids but please understand he may not.
Look after yourself do things for yourself and your kids and arm yourself with knowledge and information about addiction there are good posts on this site and a good one about the role we play within addiction, the rescuer the enabler or the provoker this was really insightful for me and helped me realise I was all three at times.
Take care and stay strong
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