Stay strong, DG ! Do you have a clean friend you can call on later to hang out with ? I know it's really hard right now, but is there some "tool" that you can use to step out of the spinning mind even for a few minutes ? Give yourself some internal space and stop the mind from completely taking over your inner Knowing. Can you just go to the bathroom and spend a few minutes even just to do some deep breathing ? You'll get through this - I KNOW you will ! Remember, just like the Life-transforming decision you made when you decided to quit all your "bad" habits - they weren't easy in the beginning either, but you sure do know they were right thing to do now. Well, here's another one coming your way - you'll rise to the occasion again ! Just try to make it as easy on yourself and him as you can - sending you lots of love !