Sorry to hear of your families loss. Just for the record...Your not crazy.
Grief is something we all go through differently.
There is no text book that says we should do it this way or that.
You will have many questions you ask of yourself over time.
If you want to share them, you know you have many here who will listen and maybe just as many with sound answers.
That same faith you hold and the same God you speak of will see you through each and every day.
...Faith as small as a mustard seed is all it takes... and a God that is beyond measure will see us all through every day.